It’s Not Them, It’s You

Have you ever looked over the Bible and wondered why some of the stories are in there? Certainly many of the accounts don’t exactly paint the “heroes of the faith” in a very positive light. Before you protest, think about it. No matter how much we might like to make it look, some Bible stories just…don’t sound…very noble. Or heroic. Or even decent.

Samson’s triste with Delilah. David’s affair with Bathsheba. Jephthah possibly killing his own daughter because he spoke a vow hastily. Dinah’s rape and her brother’s extreme vengeance. Absalom raping his own sister, Tamar. Jonah…being Jonah. Abraham lying to Pharaoh. And onward it goes.

Sure, people try to teach lessons out of these different stories and slant them in a light that makes us think about something in a different way or consider it somehow more deeply, if you will. Nothing wrong with this, not at all. But it still begs the question…why put it in there in the first place?

We like to put our best foot forward, and we expect that, in the history of people who sought to follow God, that He would want to do the same, right? So…why…didn’t He?

All throughout the Bible, we note a common theme of human nature: people who don’t want to take responsibility for what they do. Adam blamed Eve. The Israelites thought their problem was their surrounding neighbors and the pagan idolatry they all followed. The first-century Jews thought their problem was the Romans. The New Testament Christians with a Jewish background thought the former Gentiles were their problem, and vice versa.

In reality, Adam made the choice to disobey God, the Israelites made the deliberate choice to fall into idolatry, the first-century Jews were living out prophecy as part of their Roman occupation (which was due to disobedience), and the New Testament Christians all needed an attitude adjustment.

The problem was they themselves, not everyone else. It seems pretty obvious to us now, we want to scream it from the rooftops. “HEY YOU, YOUR SIN IS A PROBLEM, DUH!” That’s why all those stories showing less-than-stellar human nature in play are found in the Bible. It wouldn’t be right to gloss over a history with a bunch of “alternative facts,” so they are in there. They prove, once and for all, no matter who they might have felt was their problem – the problem wasn’t everyone else, it was them.

Food for thought for all of us. Or it should be.

Today it seems like the church has mastered the art of finger-pointing. The problem for things deemed as societal breakdowns are always someone else’s fault: feminists, gay marriage advocates, the school system, presidents, immigrants, Muslims, terrorists, radical Muslims, women who’ve had abortions, women who march on Washington, we don’t like the president, and any other barrage of options. It’s as if we think if we aren’t getting our way, we can act and do whatever we want. In other words, we sound like a bunch of big, whiny brats.

It deeply disturbs me that this trend is now often found in the highest of places, where people openly degrade others because they don’t agree or respond in agreement. The other individual might have done nothing wrong, but as some of the most powerful people in the world call names and attack the integrity of others through social media under the guise of “if they did it, I can do whatever I want,” it should make us realize just who our “problem” is.

There’s always someone else who is the reason we aren’t Christian enough or godly enough ourselves. Call it defense, call it protection, call it retaliation, even call it a difference of political belief, the way we act and live is simply not right. We can sit on social media all day long, cuss and swear, throw shade at people and act like morons, but we’re just doing it because of “someone else.”

It’s time you realized that your biggest enemy isn’t anyone you think it is – it is you.

The Bible tells its less-than-stellar stories to prove that the biggest problem we have is right here, within ourselves. No matter how much the people might have sincerely sought God at times, there were other times when they didn’t feel real saved and certainly didn’t act like it. It’s not there to form public policy or debate, but to make each one of us look at who we are and deal with it unto the end of redemption. We sit and argue over eternal security and whether or not we can lose our salvation, but maybe, just maybe, the part of the debate we don’t want to hear is that we aren’t letting God redeem us. We are so hung up on something and someone else that we aren’t letting God do within each of us what He wants and needs to do. It’s an unfortunate fact that you can dance, shout, run around the room, be a genius with church protocol, be the best preacher your church has ever seen, and be completely and totally lost, so far away from redemption, that you wouldn’t know God if He fell on your head.

The consistent aspect of the Bible is that somewhere, some way in time, God dealt with all these people. He dealt with their lack of accountability and responsibility, He addressed the idolatry, He addressed their attitude adjustments, He addressed their bigotry and racism, He addressed their hasty words, He addressed their violation of others, He addressed their lying, and He addressed their hasty actions. They had to come to a point where they dealt with what they had done, and lived with those realities.

We can forever turn our faces to everyone else and make them our problem. We can forever avoid the realities we face right now and the consequences that remain for us, be they personally, nationally, or globally. We can blame where we are on everyone else, but at some point in time, we will come to the end of ourselves and God will deal with us. In that day, there will be no fancy apocalypticism to fall back on, no false doctrine, no escapism, just us and God and the reality we have woven.

“Then He will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from Me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave Me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite Me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe Me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after Me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for Me.’” (NIV)

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (NIV)

You can’t be a Christian and have some of the attitudes and behaviors I’m seeing. They don’t represent a true transformation of grace. If we understand we are saved by grace through faith, that means facing ourselves and our sins as we transform ourselves more into His Image and less into our own. The behaviors and the attitudes I am seeing reflect a deeper problem, one that prove we aren’t getting the teaching and instruction we need because it assaults too much at who we are and makes us feel too uncomfortable. When we have to answer what did we did or didn’t do, I pray mercy falls on the souls of too many whose fate the Bible has already sealed. God’s not going to care about all the things you were against. He’s not going to tolerate that you didn’t help a refugee or a foreigner because they were Muslim. It won’t matter that the reason you abandoned your child is because they were gay. It won’t matter that you didn’t educate yourself because you hated the school system. It’s not going to matter that you stand behind something because you hate now or did hate a former leader. It won’t matter that you didn’t help out someone because they had an abortion and you’re against abortion. All these things we stand upon in self-righteousness and pomposity will not matter. All that will matter is what you did not do because you disobeyed Him.  It won’t matter how much you danced or shouted down the house. If you sat in ignorance and blamed everyone else, God’s going to give you a message you won’t like, so I give it now while there is still time:

It’s not them. It’s you.

Look at yourself. Fix you while there is still time.

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. – The Gospel of Thomas, Verse 70

© 2017 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

#safetypin

I’m a woman,

And I have never been raped,

But I do know what it is like

To be judged by physical attributes,

To be put down or intimidated due to gender,

To be passed up for promotion or demeaned

Or told that I have to have a “certain place.”

I live with rape culture

Every day

And know what it is like to feel unsafe

With a man,

With a predator,

When you are by yourself,

Or when things just don’t “feel right”

And no one believes you.

 

I’m Italian-American,

And I am not an immigrant,

Although my grandparents were.

Under the FDR administration,

He issued a ten-year ban

On all Italians coming into this country.

I don’t know what it’s like to be deported,

Or face deportation,

But my ancestors certainly did.

I live with the reality

That when people talk about deportation,

They could have been talking about any one of my relatives.

 

I’m not dark in my skin,

But I do know what it’s like

To hear an ethnic slur,

To be demeaned by words

People should never use.

To be told you don’t belong somewhere,

To be deliberately excluded,

To be mistreated

All because someone deems you “inferior.”

 

I’m not LGBT or Q,

But I do know what it’s like

To be in a relationship people don’t accept

Or regard as valid.

To fear that people will find things out

And judge you because of them

Or worse, penalize you because of them…

Deny you a job,

Not let you in their church,

Not think you should be near them,

To be treated like you have a “disease.”

 

I’m not Muslim,

But I know what it’s like

To be in a controversial religion,

One people do not readily accept,

One that used to be “counter culture,”

One that made a statement

That people found threatening

Felt would assault the very fabric of society,

Felt would change the entire world.

 

safety_pin.pngThe world is changing

And I know what it’s like to be afraid.

I know what I see

Sometimes scares me too.

And I don’t know what it looks like

Walking in your skin,

But I do know what it looks like

From walking in mine.

So I wear this,

Just to let you know,

Just to remind you,

If you ever need me…

I’m here.

#safetypin

(c) 2016 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

How The American Church Majorly Lost This Election

*Note: this blog contains uncensored quotations.

**Secondary note: rude or defensive comments will be deleted.

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. – The Gospel of Thomas, Verse 70

When I speak on the American church losing this election, I am not talking in terms of candidates and who won or lost. Whether or not America’s presidential election is launching a great era or a bad one is a matter of personal opinion, and the realities of that opinion will either be confirmed by facts, or they won’t. Either way, I feel that American Christians severely lost this election, and we lost because who too many of us really are was exposed for the entire world to see.

I am not given to politics. I do have my opinions, but when I traded in the world for the Kingdom years ago, I let it go. Prior to that time, I was a lobbyist for women’s issues within the New York State house and senate, and I will fully admit that I did what I did as a lobbyist for both Planned Parenthood and Concerned Clergy for Choice. I am not ashamed of the fact that I did community education for women in preventing disease and unwanted pregnancy, and that I was a part of the EC in the ER bill back when it was still on the New York State floor (later, it was signed into law by President Bush). One of the major reasons I left was because I felt they were mixing politics and I was not comfortable with where they were going. All in all, however, I do still follow matters; I do still have thoughts about what is best for my country, and now, most definitely as a church leader, I have thoughts about what is best for the church.

I resolved when this whole election mess started that I wouldn’t delete people because of who they voted for president. I still state I have not done that, although I will fully admit that one side got deleted a lot more than the other because of their behavior. No matter who you back for president, you should be able to do it with poise and not vile, ungodly behavior. When people started getting ungodly, I waited, and I toughed it out, until I simply could not watch what was being done and said any longer. Good or bad, whether someone thinks I am right or wrong, I deleted people who couldn’t behave and even blocked a few because they would not stop their vile conduct.

For this, I am not sorry. It is an example of how the church lost this election, and how if we don’t get ourselves together, we are going to destroy ourselves. Which is why I write this blog.  As a church, we need to be reached.

I am not going to use this blog to get into a discourse on church and politics; I am saving that for my next blog series, which will be very insightful into the origins of these movements and the realities that, whether or not they tell you that you’re “voting the Bible,” you’re not, and you aren’t doing what you do out of Biblical belief, but rather, clever propaganda. In fact, what I am seeing in our losses as a church is how easily swayed we are by propaganda, by ideas and thoughts that we’ve heard so much, we don’t realize they aren’t true even slightly. So here, we are going to look at all the ways we’ve lost…in a big way.

Following the improvers of men – Whenever I start looking at the throngs of people Christians seem to follow, I always hear the words of Nietzsche in one of his works: “These improvers of men – who are they? And who made them improvers?” In other words – we are surrounded by self-declared experts who, for whoever knows what reason, decided that these are the people we should follow because they have the “answers.” We don’t know where they came from, we don’t know the first thing about them, and what they have to say is really not that innovative or interesting. Most of the time, they are “improving” by getting caught up in waves of emotion and swaying people to their thoughts and feelings. What came to me this election was the true way in which people simply follow people because they are perceived to be famous, more “spiritual,” claim to have been to heaven three hundred times in the past year, or because they are simply more entertaining. The more we clamor that we want something new, the more we follow people who are literal and traditional, who uphold our modern traditions and who make us feel better about who we are as believers, isolating ourselves and ignoring the bigger issues of the church as an international whole.

When Charisma Magazine started endorsing Donald Trump, I was done with them. I hadn’t been a big fan of Charisma’s cohorts for awhile, because I felt that many of their statements were derogatory to women without being derogatory (they criticized feminism, made women in ministry sound like a commodity rather than something that should just exist, and elevated some people over others), but I was willing to tolerate them. Before now. Now they just sound like a bunch of “improvers” with an agenda to push, one that is not for the good of the church but for whatever ideals they have, and their conservative ideals leave out a good majority of a more moderate or more liberal church that has no interest in what they seek to push or promote.

We love money – and that’s not a good thing – I have this sinking feeling that had Donald Trump just been some poor, unsuccessful man who decided to run for president, he wouldn’t have taken the world – or a good percentage of the church community – by storm. Everyone would have blown him off (like they should have) and not taken it all real seriously. Because he is a billionaire businessman, he’s right up the alley of people who think prosperity is the key to everything and the ideal that God blesses people with only money. In prosperity logic, Donald Trump as a billionaire equates to Donald Trump being favored by God, with no consideration for the fact that there are rich people and poor people and it rains on both alike. Throw in a few chants for conservative politics and you have a complete recipe for the ultimate deception. Which brings me to my next point…

We don’t understand spiritual gifts and five-fold ministry offices – When I discovered that Charisma Magazine and many others were endorsing the idea that Donald Trump was a prophet, it was enough to make me want to throw in the towel and join another religious group. For the past decade, I have taught on spiritual gifts, on the five-fold ministry, and what apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers do…and it’s apparent that the church is simply not listening. How anyone can presume or compare a secular politician in a secular country, who has no prophetic training, who we have no comprehensive education he is even a Christian, is a prophet sent to deliver a message is absurd. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are secular politicians appointed to represent secular groups of people. There is no evidence to bespeak that either one of them has a prophetic or any other sort of ministry gift because neither of them are in ministry. We do know Hillary Clinton is a churchgoing Methodist, but we have nothing to suggest that Donald Trump had set foot in a church in recent memory before someone went and put a prayer shawl on him. The very act of doing so was disgraceful, because it proved that we don’t understand the symbolic power of such garments and that we so want to have our own way and feel like someone represents the church that we were willing to compromise spiritual dignity.

If we don’t understand spiritual gifts and the five-fold ministry, that means we need to sit down long and hard and admit we don’t know about the Bible (as a church) as we might like to hope we do and start learning from accurate leaders who may not be sensational, but can help us get to where we need to be in the spiritual realm.

A revolving cast of characters – What do Jezebel and Elijah have to do with this election? The proper spiritual answer is nothing, but somehow, they got dragged into this election as the whole thing took on a ridiculous, fanciful messianic character that was, quite frankly, an embarrassment. Donald Trump cannot by any serious scholar be compared to the Prophet Elijah for a few reasons. The first is that Elijah went up against Ahab, not Jezebel. There is not a single verse in the Bible that ever says God sent Elijah to talk to Jezebel, because Ahab was the leader, not Jezebel. Jezebel only had as much power as Ahab lent to her, and if you read the whole story of Ahab and Jezebel, you will see that Ahab deliberately went and sought out Jezebel for his wife in rebellion to God. But Donald Trump was running for president, for the highest position in the land. He wasn’t a spiritual authority sent to go talk to the highest authority in the land. He brought no spiritual measure to the election and he was not “going up” to combat anyone. He was a man battling an election against a politician, but both were to be elected by the people and the electoral college. Ahab was a king; he inherited his position, he was not voted in. Donald Trump did not speak a singular prophetic word the entire election. God did not appoint Trump to speak on His behalf.

The theology and scriptural errancy in these ideas is almost laughable, but what is even more scary is how quickly and desperately people swallowed it up. People want a leader so bad, want someone they feel they can “identify” with, they bought this, hook, line, and sinker. But as one of my pastors put it, “Who decides who is who?” That, I feel, is a really important message – who DOES make these decisions, and why do people follow them so readily?

Not caring enough who are leaders are – I have made the statement in the past few years that I get sick of being “Al Borland.” If you’ve ever watched the show, Home Improvement, the main character, Tim Taylor, is host of a cable tool show, Tool Time. He’s always screwing up and everybody hates him. Al is his assistant; quiet, competent, and clearly knows what he is doing. Tim got the job because he was more entertaining, even though Al might have been more qualified. I feel like this is exactly where we are in church today. People throng behind a leader they think might be more entertaining or more popular while forsaking competent leaders who can teach them the Word and about ministry, bringing them to a place where their work speaks for itself. The fact that Christians thronged behind Donald Trump shows me that we don’t care enough about who we choose for our leaders. We are willing to overlook aspects of their character and their credentials that are unqualified for the job and improper for those behaviors as believers in order to get the one who has the most money, is the most popular, or stirs up the emotions the most.

There are people who have been on my Facebook page for years; some of them I even met in person. When they started using foul language on their pages, becoming aggressive and pushy, and behaving in a manner that was downright derogatory, I had to disconnect from them. They refused to hear that they were behaving improperly and it was obvious they had picked up the nature of their desired “leader.”

The leaders we pick are the leaders we become. Let that sink in.

Trying to make prophecies fit where they don’t, showing we don’t understand Scripture – I have seen more Christians try to stuff current happenings into the Bible during this election than I ever have in my entire life. It is almost as if there is this intense drive to make things “apply” or “fit,” to make circumstances and world happenings point to something that they simply do not.

Look, the book of Revelation and the book of Daniel are not a gigantic codebook that we can plug headlines into. They are prophecies we should seek to understand from the perspective in which they were written, and see something more in them than just trying to shove an agenda down everyone’s throats. The more we keep trying to misuse Scripture, the more we prove to the world that we do not understand it and we do not desire to learn it.

We’re not conscientious enough about world events – When an individual running for office says, “I would bomb the shit out of them” in regards to a perceived threat to the United States, that individual proves that they do not know enough about how politics work. When people seriously think that building a wall on the Mexican border, using nukes, “loving war,” and handling the international community is a good idea, they are proving that they don’t know the first thing about what goes on internationally and how problems and issues get resolved. Because Christians in America insist on believing they are being persecuted and mistreated, they are missing the fact that how we interact with other nations seriously impacts the spread of the church worldwide and our ability to fellowship and consider our international brethren. It deeply disturbs me when I hear people talk in a derogatory manner about Palestinians, because they are also talking about Palestinian Christians who get lost in political rhetoric. This is a classic example of how politics cause us to throw the church under the bus and to ignore our international, borderless brotherhood and sisterhood of believers. There is more in the international world to consider besides the nations of America and Israel, and there is more to think about than just what is best for us in an immediate sense. There is a fine line between patriotism and idolatry, and if we can’t separate the two, it doesn’t surprise me why the American church has almost completely dropped off the missions map. You can’t go on missions if you already think you’re superior in this modern world.

Christians behaving badly – I acknowledge that people misuse the concept of love to indicate that anything should go sometimes, but we can’t erase that the Bible does tell us God is love and we are supposed to love one another. There is special Biblical injunction for loving those in the Christian community as well, because such proves that God is real. If we can’t love each other, after all, how can we even venture the idea of trying to love others? If this election proves anything, however, it’s that the church has deluded itself on what love really is and is using the defense of truth to try and turn love into a right-fight. The way so-called Christians have behaved this election disturbs me to levels unknown: posting derogatory pictures and memes, bashing, public cussing, not considering how they behave or what they say might hurt someone else’s feelings (let alone turn off onlookers to Christianity in the process), and just not considering or caring that a public official has to think about more than just what one group of people might want.

The way people have behaved is disgusting. The fact that their candidate got elected just endorses it. My Bible tells me I have to die to myself, to the things I might want and the way I might want to act sometimes, not that I have the right to run around and say, “And you can tell them to go fuck themselves.”

The divisions of the American church – Like it or not, the church in America is not one. Our churches are still largely divided by racial lines, the church is sexist with no intention to change that any time soon, the church as a whole is unkind and ungodly toward LGBT individuals, and it’s obvious through incidious propaganda and teaching that nobody even thinks about that the church as a whole has no intention of correcting or changing where it’s at. Change, however, is exactly what is needed, but this won’t happen until the “improvers of men” just become “men with opinions.”

Not separating from undignified individuals – In keeping with my last point, those of us who believe in unity held on as long as we could to people who don’t have any regard or respect for those of us who don’t agree with them on many important issues. We held on to people who didn’t support our ministries and who most of the time picked other leaders and individuals to fraternize with because they liked them better. All of this relates to what I spoke of earlier, about thronging to people who we see as more entertaining and more emotional. These same people, however, are ones who would say I was not a real Christian because I did not endorse Donald Trump for president.

I believe the accusation is unfounded, but I think it’s more to-the-point that we are insisting on holding on to people who proved long before this election that we weren’t THEIR choice in their understanding of the kingdom. People who maintained dignity, discussed things with respect, and who worked as hard as they could to die to the flesh and love people regardless were classified as not being really Christian. This has unveiled where our priorities lie; how too many are defining faith and belief; and, whether or not we want to admit it, reducing faith to issues of salvation by works because the implication is made that if you don’t do what they want, you aren’t saved.

Not acknowledging the sins of their candidate – I’m tired of hearing about emails and Benghazi. If I never hear about either again, life will be great, but I know better. You can’t run around and say Hillary Clinton is a criminal and then bury your head in the sand when it came out that Donald Trump had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a fourteen-year-old girl and dozens of other women. You can’t expect Elijah to be a sexual deviant. Nope. Not equal time, not right, and certainly not family values.

If you can’t accept the sins of your candidate, then he is an idol. He is not Elijah, he is not Jesus, he is not a prophet, he is a man with multiple marriages and children from several different women, and that means I don’t want to hear another word about single mothers, divorce and remarriage, or anything else related to this topic. If your selected leader can get away with it, so can everyone else.

Only considering part – not all – of the issues – Abortion is not the only issue that should be considered when it comes to a candidate. There are medical reasons why late-term abortions become necessary, and there is no such thing as an abortion in the ninth month. Making abortion illegal doesn’t stop abortions, it just creates death. Immigration is a complicated issue, but the Berlin Wall proved that it’s not as simple as building a wall. There are other things that we need to consider as citizens of a nation that have nothing to do with hot-button issues. A lot of things can bring economic instability and can cause racial tensions, the downfall of companies, and the like. We’re supposed to be big enough and set ourselves aside enough to consider social issues that effect everyone, not just what we might like in an ideal world or ideal setting.

Judging different decisions – I saw two extremes this election: individuals who said you would go to hell if you voted for anyone this election, and people who said you would go to hell if you did not vote in the election. Neither statement is fair theologically and neither is true. God is not up in heaven endorsing candidates and the decision to vote is a personal one, made between an individual and their country. The popular vote of the US was for Clinton, not Trump, and the fact that some feel now their vote was wasted or that participating in the system had no point is a justified feeling. Let’s all stop judging one another on this matter already!

Being afraid – When I first heard that Trump won the electoral college vote, my first impulse was fear. I never imagined his run would go this far and that I would have to face the fact that he might be elected, for real. Everything he had said throughout this election ran through my head: “I love war.” “Yes, even with nukes.” “I would bomb the shit out of them.” “I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me.” “They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime.” They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.” “He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured? I like people who weren’t captured.”

My thoughts raced to numerous people I’ve met around here: The front-end manager at the Wal-Mart up the street who is from Pakistan, the couple I’ve met with their grandson who is from India, the numerous Hispanics from different parts of Latin America, all of whom are living their lives and minding their own business. Then I thought about our own lives and what can happen and I got quickly worried. God had to remind me that He has not given us a spirit of fear. I have to remember that even in the midst of this, God is using the situation to bring us to a place where we are willing to look at ourselves and where we are to find a place of change. Even this crazy election should be used not to feel vindicated, but to look at who we are and what we need to do.

If you believe in the last days, then you should realize that the church’s time to get itself together isn’t real long. Even if you don’t believe we are in the last days, we all know God doesn’t allow mess to go on forever. We need to learn the truth, the Scriptures, the realities about who we are and stop aggrandizing everything. We have the responsibility to learn how to live with others. The election might have been a disaster politically, but it is only a disaster spiritually if we refuse to learn and accept that we aren’t who we think we are. The sooner we do this, the sooner God can do what He wants to do in and through us.

© 2016 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: DAUGHTERS

DAUGHTERS, by John Mayer (From the album Heavier Things, 2003)

The rumor about John Mayer’s song, “Daughters,” is that he begged his producer not to release it – he felt the song was career suicide. Instead, this powerful song about the effects of abuse won him Song of the Year at the 2005 Grammy Awards.

“Daughters” is a powerful treatise on the later-effects of abuse as he sings about a girl who he deeply loved, but was so deeply affected by the abuse of her father, she was unable to be in a serious relationship with him. The poignant lyrics give us all things to consider about the long-term affects of abuse and the understanding of such from the perspective of both the abused and those who love them later on.

“I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will live like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZLbUIa7exE

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: DAMAGED

DAMAGED, by TLC (From the album 3D, 2002)

Most of us now remember TLC for their varied hits, but there is a little-known song by TLC that was most important: Damaged, which only hit #53 on the contemporary charts in 2003. In this vivid music video, we see a woman’s world literally falling to pieces due to the cheating of her boyfriend and his subsequent physical beatings upon her. Video shows the vivid consequences of domestic violence go beyond the physical, into the emotional and spiritual realm as well.

“My heart’s at a low
I’m so much to manage
I think you should know that
I’ve been damaged
I’m falling in love
There’s one disadvantage
I think you should know that I’ve been damaged”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reG7Iu8seos

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: NO MORE DRAMA

NO MORE DRAMA, by Mary J. Blige (From the album, Family Affair, 2001)

I did not know much of Mary J. Blige prior to her “Family Affair” album, but when I heard the song “No More Drama” and saw its accompanying music video, I found myself in tears. This powerful video profiles gang violence, drug addiction, and yes, domestic violence in a way that reaches even the staunchest viewer. What can we do about these issues? How can we better educate? Seeing the truth about these issues in this video (including domestic violence) gives us a clear-cut impression of the pain they cause and the necessary changes to bring about much-needed change.

“Why’d I play the fool
Go through ups and downs
Knowing all the time
You wouldn’t be around
Or maybe I liked the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But that was long ago
I don’t wanna cry no more”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em328ua_Lo8

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: FOR COLORED GIRLS

FOR COLORED GIRLS, directed and produced by Tyler Perry, based on the play, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf by Ntozake Shange (Film, 2010; play, 1975)

Starring: Janet Jackson, Whoopi Goldberg, Phylicia Rashad, Thandie Newton, Loretta Devine, Anika Noni Rose, Kimberly Elise, and Kerry Washington.

It is my own opinion that “For Colored Girls” was the most powerful and important movie of Tyler Perry’s career, and I was very disappointed to see a near empty movie theater when I went to see it in 2010. The story follows the lives of eight women (known by a color, which they are seen wearing throughout the movie) and their life struggles as women, experiencing the various things women encounter in life: spousal abuse, rape, unplanned pregnancy, self-respect, promiscuity, alcoholism from a woman’s perspective, men living on the down-low (and the result is a woman infected with HIV), manipulative and abusive men, abuse of her children, fails of the system, and distractions on the job as a result of so many difficulties in one’s own personal life.

Every woman needs to see this important movie, which is difficult to watch at points, but so accurately showcases the specific difficulties of life as a result of abuses and problems unique to the female experience.

“Save your “sorry.” One thing I don’t need are anymore apologies. I got sorry greeting me at the front door. You can keep yours. I don’t know what to do with them… I can’t even… I have to throw some away. I can’t even get to the clothes in my closet for all the sorries. I’m not even sorry about you being sorry.” (Jo/Red, played by Janet Jackson)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDWU_cFU9ZA

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: NEVER AGAIN

NEVER AGAIN, by Nickelback (From the album, “Silver Side Up, 2001)

I have to first say I LOVE Nickelback, these are my boys. The first song off their 2001 album, Silver Side Up, “Never Again,” depicts domestic violence from a child’s perspective as his father beats his mother and his mother, ultimately, kills his father.

Anyone who says domestic violence has no effects on children needs to hear this song. Domestic violence is as serious for those who are around when a woman is beaten as when a child is beaten themselves.

Please note: Song lyrics are both graphic and explicit, although some in this version are censored.

http://www.youtube.com/watch…

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: “THE ROWDY GIRLS”

“THE ROWDY GIRLS,” Designing Women, Season 4, Episode 6 (1989)

The show “Designing Women” was known as a progressive voice on many issues, so the fact that it explored issues of domestic violence shouldn’t shock anyone. In Episode 6 of Season 4, Charlene’s long-time friend Mavis teaches the girls a dance routine and introduces everyone to her husband, who seems like the perfect man. Charlene overhears him attacking and beating her, and goes on to find her friend bruised and afraid. She implores her friend to receive help and asks her to take her and her girls and meet her at a talent competition so they can find her some help. The overall tone of the show was to remind Mavis that they grew up as “the rowdy girls” and that their independent spirit should not allow her to be pushed around and mistreated by her husband.

Charlene: Mavis, I’ve been so upset since the other night. I just can’t stop thinking about you.
Mavis: Yeah, I’ve been thinking about our whole family — how much I miss Mama and Daddy.
Charlene: They wouldn’t want you to live this way.
Mavis: Y’know it’s funny, but I haven’t really felt alive in a long time. And I’ve forgotten what I used to be like. Every once in a while there’s this little voice inside that says, “Hey. It’s me. It’s Mavis. I’m still in here.” But basically I’ve been dead. And then two things happened — this baby and seeing you again.
Charlene: Then all you have to do it get Ginny, Julie and Kate and come with me now. After the show we’ll go back to my house. You can all stay with Bill and me until we can find you an apartment.
Mavis: I can’t afford that.
Charlene: Mavis, you can’t afford not to. There are places you can go for help, but first we have to get you out of here.
Mavis: I get an allowance! I don’t have any money to move into an apartment.
Charlene: You do now (handing Mavis an envelope). This is from Bill and me, and the other check is from the rest of us for helping us rehearse.
Mavis: Oh, Charlene. This is too much. I mean, how could they do this? They don’t even know me.
Charlene: That’s just the way they are. That’s why they’re my friends. The fifty dollars is from Anthony.
Mavis: (starting to cry) I don’t know what to say.
Charlene: Just say you’ll do it! Now, Mavis, I have to go. If you won’t come with me right now, I’ll be at the Arts Center until 11:00. Just get your girls and come. Just take this first step. I will be by your side the whole way.
Mavis: I’m so ashamed. I don’t know how I ever let it get to this point.
Charlene: It’s ok. Just remember, you don’t have to take this, cuz we’re the rowdy girls, remember?
Mavis: Yes, I remember.

https://www.youtube.com/watch…

Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: SUBMISSION

SUBMISSION, produced by Theo Van Gogh (2004)

Producer Theo Van Gogh was killed on his way to work in Amsterdam, the Netherlands by a radical Muslim for the contents of this film. A sobering narrative look at the way women are treated and oppressed in many Islamic states and sects, every person in the world needs to see this short-film and realize the difficulties women under the extremes of Islamic systems encounter.

First minute and a half shows a woman praying in Arabic and then narrative is in English. It is subtitled in Dutch.

“Two years ago, on a sunny day, while at the Sook, my eyes were caught by those of Rahman, the most handsome man I have ever met. After that day, I couldn’t help but notice his presence whenever I went to the market. And I was thrilled when I learned his appearance at the bazaar was not a coincidence. One day he suggested we meet in secret…and I said yes. And as the months went by, our relationship deepened. What is more, out of our love, a new life started to grow. Our happiness did not go unnoticed, and before long, envious eyes gave way to malicious tongues. Let’s ignore these people, Rahman and I said to each other, and trust in Allah’s mercy. Naive, young, and in love, perhaps. But we thought your holiness was on our side…Then when I was 16, my father broke the news to me in the kitchen: you are going to marry Aziz.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SuGLq636lg