When Your Situation Is Not Typical

It was the morning I had to officiate at an ordination ceremony in Sanford, Florida. A colleague and friend of mine was telling me about his twenty-one-year-old daughter, and there was an obvious beam in him as he spoke of her. He said, and I quote, “She has been her father’s daughter since she was born. She’s daddy’s girl, and always will be.” As I sat there, I quickly looked away. I looked out the window, at the floor, at my hands, anywhere but at the one who was speaking. I felt like someone had hit me with a brick. I suddenly realized, in that simple statement that was not meant to offend nor smart, that I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. I had no frame of reference. I had no identity for the statement. It was something I couldn’t relate to, no matter how hard I tried.

It was one of those undeniable, face-to-face reality moments that you can’t pretend didn’t happen. It’s not that you feel bad, or longing, or even hurt by what was said. There’s just something about what someone said that made you realize there’s something you don’t relate to, nor understand, nor to a certain extent, ever will. It makes you feel self-conscious, self-aware, almost like you are sitting in front of those people uncovered, even though they have no idea what is going on in your mind at that moment. It doesn’t mean you long for or want what they are talking about. It’s just that you have no idea what it is.

I had only felt that way one other time in my life. When I was in junior high, the eighth graders were given a “Class Night” by the seventh graders behind them. It was a formal sendoff because eighth grade was the highest grade in our school and it meant we were officially leaving, for good. During “Class Night,” there was always a segment reserved as a “Father-Daughter” Dance. So I literally walk in the door of my classroom, minding my own business, not even there one minute when one of the girls starts: “Lee Ann! What are you going to do about the father-daughter dance on Class Night?”

Did I forget to mention it was October when she asked me this, and Class Night wasn’t until June? And the girl herself didn’t have a dad in her household, either?

I replied, “I’m going to go down to the Rent-A-Dad store on Main Street and rent one for a night.”

My reply was snarky and quick thinking on my feet, but it gave me that same self-conscious feeling, like someone else was making some sort of a statement I couldn’t relate to. I had never been to a father-daughter dance, and I never would go to one. It was a frame of reference I would never have, nor understand, no matter how many years I lived.

Late last year I saw an episode of Dr. Phil that involved a crazy, messy family situation. It consisted of a mother who was out of control and her daughters (I think there were three or four of them). One daughter in particular was in her late teens and wanted her mother to apologize for what she’d done to her and admit she had done her wrong. No matter what this girl, her sisters, or Dr. Phil said to this woman, she was not going to admit nor apologize for anything. So what Dr. Phil said to the girl in turn was most poignant. He told her that he understood that she wanted a mom who cared about her and loved her, and that she wanted a good relationship with her mom, but that wasn’t her experience. It might have been natural to want what we hear everyone else claims to have or what the “norm” should be, but no matter what she did, it wasn’t what she knew. He was also quick to tell her that no matter how much it wasn’t her experience, it was not a reflection on her. It didn’t mean she couldn’t have a great life, or become something really extraordinary. There was no reason her experience had to hold her back or mar her identity for life.

Ahhhh, clarity. In those words, Dr. Phil set me free from my own self-consciousness on these issues. Being my father’s daughter wasn’t my experience. Going to a father-daughter dance wasn’t my experience. I don’t have a ton of great memories about my sisters. We didn’t do the “normal” sister things, in part because we have a severe age gap between us, and also in part because of who they are as people. I don’t have happy memories of large family get-togethers, because by the time I was seven, I never saw or heard from two of my sisters ever again. It wasn’t because I did anything wrong. But my experience was my experience. It wasn’t typical, it wasn’t pleasant, but it also is not a reflection on me.

I hate it when people ask me about my family. It’s not something I am apt to talk about, because I don’t feel like it’s anyone’s business. I don’t like having to reveal that I am not on speaking terms with any of my siblings or my father, because people immediately assume I did something to deserve that or am not doing something right. I don’t feel like telling the entire story, yet again, in defense of myself and my family’s reality. I don’t want people’s first response to be pity, or how “sorry” they are, or prayers for family unity, because it’s not the situation I have, or am going to have. I want to live in and feel that people empathize and care about my reality, about the world I live in, and that even though my reality may not be theirs or be the picture-perfect image that makes people feel comfortable, that I am still welcome, as I am, with the situation I’ve learned to live with, reality and all. No amount of praying, hoping for change, or pushing me to do something I know I am not supposed to do is going to inspire me to pursue a false hope that things will be other than they are. It doesn’t matter who believes it or doesn’t. My situation is not typical, but no amount of false hope is going to change that.

I think this is part of why I often work with minority and disenfranchised communities through ministry. For many years, I tried as hard as I could to make myself and my ministry work as “typical” as possible. I wanted to look right and sound right, and I wanted to be received by the right people. That meant avoiding certain topics and dodging many questions about my personal politics and opinions about things. It also meant sitting through a lot of uncomfortable conversations, time and time again, as people beamed about their family life. It meant watching as people celebrated their fathers and children, husbands who doted on them, and spoke things, at times, that made me feel about as big as a thimble. It’s meant that as people talk, and often pretend, that their lives are perfect, you feel like someone is going to know that something within you is not this picture-perfect scenario they all hope for. And as everyone pretends, is it any wonder that the church is where it is today?

We talk about issues such as submission or roles in harsh, angry, legalistic terms with no consideration for domestic violence victims or rape victims and how such statements might make them feel. We prattle on and on about some bizarre and imaginary concept of family and family values and are quick to make anyone who is divorced feel like they have done the worst imaginable thing by their kids, who will never recover. We make the children of divorce feel as if there is something permanently wrong with them: they will never have successful relationships or love other people, and will be scarred for life. We make LGBTQ individuals feel as if they are damaged goods, rubbing it in when they have family members who don’t love them unconditionally and cause them to feel empty because their families aren’t around. We make single people feel like pariahs, like they are missing something so essential and meaningful in life, only to treat them as if they have no purpose.

We don’t relate to people who have a situation that’s different, nor do we make ourselves relatable. Instead we rub salt in wounds of shame and hurt, making people feel more flawed, more like they missed something essential, more like they will never be healed, and more like they can never, not in a million years, be made whole.

The longer I minister, the more I believe the Gospel is there for the “different.” Yes, the typical can receive it, too; in the end, the Gospel is there for everybody. But it takes a truly different person to see the Gospel from a freedom perspective. We can be churchy all day long and talk to people about God from a dull, dry perspective. We can even throw some Bible verses in there that we’ve memorized at heart. A typical person is always going to see God through a typical lens: through the eyes that the church has taught, good, bad, or indifferent, slightly distant, severely authoritative, a Father in concept but not in personality, and will spend their lives trying to uphold the typical image of nuclear family, perfectly dressed Sunday attire, children in tow, as if there are no problems or thoughts to their lives that challenge that image. It takes a different person to grab hold of that Gospel and find freedom from that image, the confines of society that are frequently passed off as those of God, and experience God in a manner where they come to know God as more than just an image or a role, but as a personal and integrated part of one’s life.

I’ve read the Bible’s views on family and it’s funny that I don’t see what we often typify as “family values” therein. We’ve confused Biblical viewpoints with Americana. The Bible is full of family dysfunction, right out the gate, even as far back as Adam and Eve. The Bible’s views of family aren’t perfect; they are messy, because families are messy. Even the best-looking family has reality lurking under that surface. We can admit that or we can pretend, but either way, the upholding of shiny, perfect families is hurting our witness far more than it’s helping it.

To all those who don’t have a typical situation, don’t give up. I know it feels like you are sometimes swimming upstream, in an endless vat of people who want to tell you where it’s at and sometimes what they say stings, even if they don’t mean it that way. You had an experience, and it is yours, and you need to own that for yourself, because it is your truth (as in it is truth that has become personal). There are those of us who do understand. We are conscientious of what we say, because our situation wasn’t typical, either. We’re here to be family, to be friends, to provide that spiritual comfort and insight that you need, because we know what it feels like. We’ve been there, too. And when you’re ready to receive it, know we are here.

© 2017 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

It’s Not Them, It’s You

Have you ever looked over the Bible and wondered why some of the stories are in there? Certainly many of the accounts don’t exactly paint the “heroes of the faith” in a very positive light. Before you protest, think about it. No matter how much we might like to make it look, some Bible stories just…don’t sound…very noble. Or heroic. Or even decent.

Samson’s triste with Delilah. David’s affair with Bathsheba. Jephthah possibly killing his own daughter because he spoke a vow hastily. Dinah’s rape and her brother’s extreme vengeance. Absalom raping his own sister, Tamar. Jonah…being Jonah. Abraham lying to Pharaoh. And onward it goes.

Sure, people try to teach lessons out of these different stories and slant them in a light that makes us think about something in a different way or consider it somehow more deeply, if you will. Nothing wrong with this, not at all. But it still begs the question…why put it in there in the first place?

We like to put our best foot forward, and we expect that, in the history of people who sought to follow God, that He would want to do the same, right? So…why…didn’t He?

All throughout the Bible, we note a common theme of human nature: people who don’t want to take responsibility for what they do. Adam blamed Eve. The Israelites thought their problem was their surrounding neighbors and the pagan idolatry they all followed. The first-century Jews thought their problem was the Romans. The New Testament Christians with a Jewish background thought the former Gentiles were their problem, and vice versa.

In reality, Adam made the choice to disobey God, the Israelites made the deliberate choice to fall into idolatry, the first-century Jews were living out prophecy as part of their Roman occupation (which was due to disobedience), and the New Testament Christians all needed an attitude adjustment.

The problem was they themselves, not everyone else. It seems pretty obvious to us now, we want to scream it from the rooftops. “HEY YOU, YOUR SIN IS A PROBLEM, DUH!” That’s why all those stories showing less-than-stellar human nature in play are found in the Bible. It wouldn’t be right to gloss over a history with a bunch of “alternative facts,” so they are in there. They prove, once and for all, no matter who they might have felt was their problem – the problem wasn’t everyone else, it was them.

Food for thought for all of us. Or it should be.

Today it seems like the church has mastered the art of finger-pointing. The problem for things deemed as societal breakdowns are always someone else’s fault: feminists, gay marriage advocates, the school system, presidents, immigrants, Muslims, terrorists, radical Muslims, women who’ve had abortions, women who march on Washington, we don’t like the president, and any other barrage of options. It’s as if we think if we aren’t getting our way, we can act and do whatever we want. In other words, we sound like a bunch of big, whiny brats.

It deeply disturbs me that this trend is now often found in the highest of places, where people openly degrade others because they don’t agree or respond in agreement. The other individual might have done nothing wrong, but as some of the most powerful people in the world call names and attack the integrity of others through social media under the guise of “if they did it, I can do whatever I want,” it should make us realize just who our “problem” is.

There’s always someone else who is the reason we aren’t Christian enough or godly enough ourselves. Call it defense, call it protection, call it retaliation, even call it a difference of political belief, the way we act and live is simply not right. We can sit on social media all day long, cuss and swear, throw shade at people and act like morons, but we’re just doing it because of “someone else.”

It’s time you realized that your biggest enemy isn’t anyone you think it is – it is you.

The Bible tells its less-than-stellar stories to prove that the biggest problem we have is right here, within ourselves. No matter how much the people might have sincerely sought God at times, there were other times when they didn’t feel real saved and certainly didn’t act like it. It’s not there to form public policy or debate, but to make each one of us look at who we are and deal with it unto the end of redemption. We sit and argue over eternal security and whether or not we can lose our salvation, but maybe, just maybe, the part of the debate we don’t want to hear is that we aren’t letting God redeem us. We are so hung up on something and someone else that we aren’t letting God do within each of us what He wants and needs to do. It’s an unfortunate fact that you can dance, shout, run around the room, be a genius with church protocol, be the best preacher your church has ever seen, and be completely and totally lost, so far away from redemption, that you wouldn’t know God if He fell on your head.

The consistent aspect of the Bible is that somewhere, some way in time, God dealt with all these people. He dealt with their lack of accountability and responsibility, He addressed the idolatry, He addressed their attitude adjustments, He addressed their bigotry and racism, He addressed their hasty words, He addressed their violation of others, He addressed their lying, and He addressed their hasty actions. They had to come to a point where they dealt with what they had done, and lived with those realities.

We can forever turn our faces to everyone else and make them our problem. We can forever avoid the realities we face right now and the consequences that remain for us, be they personally, nationally, or globally. We can blame where we are on everyone else, but at some point in time, we will come to the end of ourselves and God will deal with us. In that day, there will be no fancy apocalypticism to fall back on, no false doctrine, no escapism, just us and God and the reality we have woven.

“Then He will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from Me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave Me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite Me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe Me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after Me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for Me.’” (NIV)

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (NIV)

You can’t be a Christian and have some of the attitudes and behaviors I’m seeing. They don’t represent a true transformation of grace. If we understand we are saved by grace through faith, that means facing ourselves and our sins as we transform ourselves more into His Image and less into our own. The behaviors and the attitudes I am seeing reflect a deeper problem, one that prove we aren’t getting the teaching and instruction we need because it assaults too much at who we are and makes us feel too uncomfortable. When we have to answer what did we did or didn’t do, I pray mercy falls on the souls of too many whose fate the Bible has already sealed. God’s not going to care about all the things you were against. He’s not going to tolerate that you didn’t help a refugee or a foreigner because they were Muslim. It won’t matter that the reason you abandoned your child is because they were gay. It won’t matter that you didn’t educate yourself because you hated the school system. It’s not going to matter that you stand behind something because you hate now or did hate a former leader. It won’t matter that you didn’t help out someone because they had an abortion and you’re against abortion. All these things we stand upon in self-righteousness and pomposity will not matter. All that will matter is what you did not do because you disobeyed Him.  It won’t matter how much you danced or shouted down the house. If you sat in ignorance and blamed everyone else, God’s going to give you a message you won’t like, so I give it now while there is still time:

It’s not them. It’s you.

Look at yourself. Fix you while there is still time.

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. – The Gospel of Thomas, Verse 70

© 2017 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

Why I Do Not Celebrate Christmas

As for the man who is a weak believer, welcome him [into your fellowship], but not to criticize his opinions or pass judgment on his scruples or perplex him with discussions. One [man’s faith permits him to] believe he may eat anything, while a weaker one [limits his] eating to vegetables. Let not him who eats look down on or despise him who abstains, and let not him who abstains criticize and pass judgment on him who eats; for God has accepted and welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on and censure another’s household servant? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he shall stand and be upheld, for the Master (the Lord) is mighty to support him and make him stand. One man esteems one day as better than another, while another man esteems all days alike [sacred]. Let everyone be fully convinced (satisfied) in his own mind. He who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. He also who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God; while he who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. None of us lives to himself [but to the Lord], and none of us dies to himself [but to the Lord, for] If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or we die, we belong to the Lord. For Christ died and lived again for this very purpose, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living. Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you look down upon or despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God. For it is written, As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God [acknowledge Him to His honor and to His praise]. And so each of us shall give an account of himself [give an answer in reference to judgment] to God. Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another, but rather decide and endeavor never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or a hindrance in the way of a brother. (Romans 14:1-13, AMPC)

I am Dr. Lee Ann B. Marino. I am an apostle. I have been in ministry for 19 years. I have a confession.

I do not celebrate Christmas.

Actually I don’t celebrate any conventional or secular holidays. Not Christmas, Easter, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Patriotic holidays, Thanksgiving, Labor Day, Columbus Day, none of them. I haven’t celebrated any of them for approximately 16 years. I will not ever celebrate them again.

I am not anti-observances. I feel Pentecost is perhaps the most relevant day of the church year, as it’s the church’s birthday, but we seem to allow that to pass our calendars without a single thought. I consider communion to be an observance of the believer’s Passover, but we also seem to allow communion to slip from our fingers as we don’t want to dress for church or run the risk that our church service might run over longer than we would like. I even observe my own birthday, which I probably wouldn’t if I could ever get people to do things for me any other time of the year, but I digress. But when it comes to the holidays that the world tells us we have to celebrate, count me out.

Call it the non-conformist in me, but there is more to it than that. That might be what keeps me going, but it isn’t how it all started. 16 years ago I was still a student, and in the process of studying the origins behind different religious groups, I stumbled across the history of modern holidays by pure accident. I learned where they came from, I did not like what I learned, and I literally let every one of them go, cold turkey. I never regretted the decision. It is a conviction; it is how I feel about this issue; and I do feel it deserves respect. Unfortunately, it doesn’t get it.

Just last night I saw a post on Facebook that said to the extent: “If you don’t want to celebrate Christmas that’s fine, but you don’t have the right to govern what other people do. If you want your beliefs respected, then respect those of others.” I beg to differ with the statement. In the 16 years I have not celebrated Christmas, I have never governed another individual’s right to celebrate the holiday (or any holiday, for that matter). I have never told someone they will go to hell if they celebrate Christmas and, to be quite honest, I don’t care if someone celebrates Christmas, or not. If that is someone’s choice, then that’s fine, but then I don’t want to have the holiday shoved down my throat, which is exactly what happens in the process. I have felt the pressure, year after year, to keep quiet about my beliefs and not only that, hear people whine, moan, and complain about everything they hate about Christmas. In my personal opinion, if you hate it that much, stop observing it. But beyond that, every time I ever try to discuss the issue in any form, whether it’s because I was asked about it or because I wrote something about it, I am met with a long line of defenses, much like the status I saw earlier. The message I get, loud and clear: this is what I want to do, and don’t you dare do or say anything to threaten my comfort in doing so.

I’m not writing this to be belligerent or to start an argument. In fact, I don’t really want to hear why you celebrate Christmas because I don’t care if you celebrate it. I care if you celebrate it and it interferes with your relationship with God, but I don’t need to be that involved in the discussion with you if I am not already. I don’t want to argue. I want to point out that because this issue is so ridiculously emotional and hostile, nobody ever listens to anyone else’s point of view, and that by itself is offensive. I’ve heard why those of you do choose to celebrate; I have respected your choice; and now I am here to explain why it is my choice not to observe the occasion for the sake of our own learning and because I have as much a right to my opinion as you do to yours. As the Bible says, some of us view all days as the same, and others view things as special (I’ll put aside Romans 14 was not talking about Christmas for the time being and look at the principle, instead), which means I have just as much a valid perspective as any one who celebrates the holiday.

A note as I move forward with my position: I have done so much research on the history of Christmas over the years, I don’t remember where many of the facts in this article are from. I have a book where I detail many of the references, and that book is currently being reworked and will be released at a later point in time. All of the information that is presented, however, can be discovered through simple research, and if you have any question about the facts I present, feel free to look them up.

Jesus was not born on December 25 – If you don’t know that Jesus was not born on December 25, that gives me a disturbing insight into the lack of proper education and training in churches today. Truth is, we don’t know when Jesus was born, neither in month, day, or exact year. Throughout history, Jesus’ birthday has been observed in every month of the Julian calendar. The reason Christmas is observed on December 25 is more sinister than we might like to imagine: December 25 was the date for the Roman Feast of the Invincible Sun, often observed in different cultures around the time of the Winter Solstice. If you do some history into the pagan holiday, you will note that many of the traditions sound familiar: giving gifts, large parties, spending large amounts of money, using evergreen to decorate, etc. When the Catholic Church was devising its calendar in the 300s, Christmas was added as a means to try and make church membership more appealing to the pagan masses. The church was also associated with the Holy Roman Empire, and that meant it needed to build up its available army to conquer (yes, in a military sense, not a spiritual one) other countries. Instead of making the pagans Christian as a part of the New Testament’s one new man, it made the Christians pagan. What basically happened is the baby Jesus got plopped right in the middle of a pagan feast, churches made Christmas day a mandatory day of observation, and voila – you have Christmas as it came to be known among the church.

The early church did not celebrate Christmas – There is no record, anywhere in anything, that Christmas was ever celebrated by the early church. In fact, we know it wasn’t celebrated by the early church, because the birth of Christ was regarded as a secret. If you think about Herod and his personal crusade to kill all the infant boys, keeping his birth a secret made sense. Even as Jesus got older, His birth date would need to remain a secret because discovering He survived through Herod’s mandate could get Him killed at any point in His life, taking Him out before He fulfilled His destiny. By the time Jesus was an adult in ministry, nobody probably knew when it was (no birth certificates, no birth records, etc.). Jesus’ birth was known only to a few when it happened, and everyone made every effort to keep His presence on the QT for fear He would be killed. Christmas was not a facet of the New Testament church (or the church for several generations thereafter) and I do not believe that given all they had to overcome as a people that celebrating a pagan holiday with a little Jesus mixed in would have been deemed appropriate.

Neither Biblical nor apocryphal records support all the details we believe about Christmas – There’s no record that links the visit of the Wise Men with the birth of Christ. The Bible states that Jesus was a “child” in a “house” when they visited Him; not a visit to the manger. This makes more sense, as they didn’t just hop in the car or on a plane and zoom across many countries to visit Him. Land travel took a long…long…long…time to accomplish, and it most likely took years for them to arrive at their location. Nothing says there were three Wise Men. Some might say these things don’t matter, but I’m into technicalities. So to me, these things matter.

Nothing about the birth of Christ was about family – When Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph were a long way from home due to a census. They weren’t with their families and they weren’t around anyone that they knew. The push for family at Christmas has nothing to do with family values, although many like to tell themselves that. Family images, having the perfect dinner, the perfect meal, with everyone looking quaint and cute, is a marketing gimmick. It exists so you will be willing to go out and spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make it happen on food, travel, gifts, decorations, and general “Christmas spirit.” The media wants us to think there is something wrong with us if we accept ourselves and our situations as we are, and maybe admit that we don’t like our families the rest of the year, because if we come to a place of acceptance, we won’t be so quick to shell out extensive amounts of money to spend time with a bunch of people we don’t even like.

Secular Christmas figures are decidedly racist and supremacist, not endearing – You are seldom, if ever (more like never) going to see a Black Santa, or an Asian Santa, or a Mexican Santa in the media because that’s not the image of Santa that has sold throughout the decades. The image of Santa represents the stereotype of 1800s American ideas about what “benevolence” and “charity” looked like: older, white, bearded and mustached wealthy men who had pity on all the poor, unfortunate little children who didn’t have the good fortune to be his kids. As for the elves, they have a long history as spirits of pagan lore (I’m sick of hearing about the spirit of Jezebel, I want to hear about the spirit of elves!) that worked mischief, including that of a sexual nature, among unsuspecting individuals. However, in the case of Santa Claus, they also represent enslavement, as they do all the work in his factory, for free, year after year…and it’s understood they are not paid for what they do. Sounds a little too much like a mythical version of cultural slavery as existed in the time period when Santa came into existence.

It draws people away from church and Christian faith – Now let me say, I didn’t say it draws you, who are reading this away from church and the Christian faith, but as a minister, I can’t deny what I see in people every year, at this time of the year. The first thing that typically happens is people stop giving to their church and to ministries they know. This might sound contradictory to you, because the image we see in the media and we see stereotyped as the spread of good cheer is that this is the only time of year when people want to give to church. This is, unfortunately, a falsehood. It might have been true at one time in history, but 16 years into ministry, I don’t know a single ministry that is not hurt financially every year when Christmastime rears its head. Let’s examine why this is: Christmas costs money. It doesn’t cost a little bit of money, it costs a lot of money, and the cost of it increases every single year. The holiday quickly becomes the priority over everything else in one’s life, and that may also include one’s relationship with God as they pursue their way to prove something about themselves or their families at this time, each year. As of the writing of this blog, the debate of the year is as to whether or not churches should be open because Christmas falls on a Sunday this year. There are those who are the first to condemn everyone to hell for all the things they do all the time who are saying if their churches are open, they will refuse to go to church because they want to spend time with their families. To me, in my ears, this sounds an awful lot like idolatry, like you are putting your family (which you can see before church, or after church, or can come to church with you, or you don’t like anyway so what difference does it matter) ahead of your priority to worship God. Look, I grew up in a church that regarded Christmas as a “holy day of obligation,” which meant if the day ended in a “y” you had to show up for service. If it fell on a day other than Sunday, you had to go to church on Sunday, and then that day, and then the following Sunday, again. All this mess tells me is that people’s priorities are screwed up. If you are even in question as to whether or not you should go to church on Christmas, then stop telling me you celebrate Christmas because “Jesus is the reason for the season.” In that instance, no He isn’t and I know straight up He doesn’t appreciate getting the blame for excuses to get out of worship.

I can’t afford it – People tell me all year they can’t afford tithes. They can’t afford offerings. They don’t have the money to sow into a mission trip. They can’t afford their school tuition. They can’t afford this. They can’t afford that. These same people always have money for Christmas, the expensive Christmas. Food costs money. Trees cost money. Decorations cost money. Lights cost money (electric bills are not friendly). Presents cost money. Travel costs money. Christmas cards cost money. Christmas pictures cost money. And the reality is I do not have the extra money to spend on all the “holiday” things that others think I should be doing at this time of the year. To me, it’s really simple: God is the One Who called me into ministry, and that means I am called to be financially prepared and prudent for the things He wants me to do in each season of my life. If it’s a question between hosting a ministry event or going on a mission trip and celebrating Christmas, Christmas is going to have to lose, because I have other priorities. You can say all day long you can do both or have both, but the realities speak otherwise. If you can’t tithe all year or give all year, or can’t travel all year or hold events, but all of a sudden Christmas rolls around and you find a way to celebrate Christmas, then that tells me where all that money went! It might be said, even be intended that you can do it all, but I’ve been at this long enough to know it never happens. If it’s a question between obeying God or having myself a merry little Christmas, I have to obey God. We never think about God putting us in a position to make those choices, but if we are serious about ministry and even our faith and something ties up our finances, our ability to work in and help the church, and do a work we say He called us to do, then we have to seriously think about our actions and what our choices are doing to our call and relationship with Him.

I can’t get away from it – If I post a status that you don’t like about not celebrating Christmas, you have every choice to keep on scrolling and forget you ever saw it. But I don’t have the choice to forget about “seeing” Christmas. I go to the grocery store on December 20th just to do regular shopping, because I have to live, but I am barraged by Christmas gifts, checkers who think it is comfortable and friendly to ask me what I am doing for the holidays, decorations that reflect and are hard on my eyes and severely affect my ability to see due to a physical light sensitivity I have due to albinism, rude crowds, incessant Christmas music that is repeated year after year, and people who send greetings for the holiday, even after I have told them I don’t celebrate. That sounds to me like people are forcing me to get into something that I don’t want to be a part of, and it’s honestly very disrespectful. I understand that those who don’t know me don’t do it out of harm, but it is so automatically assumed that everyone is celebrating it, I can’t get away from it. Then I come online and see the mess of people defending various positions, arguing back and forth in favor or against, and it’s like everyone takes a posture that is both rude and inconsiderate that maybe, just maybe, everyone doesn’t automatically feel the way about Christmas that you do and maybe we all get tired of hearing about it.

It makes people treat me differently – My decision not to observe Christmas is rooted in my faith and my strong conviction as a Christian and what it means to be one. I am sorry if you do not agree with me about that, but that does not give you the right to question my faith or my ministry calling. One of the reasons I don’t talk much about not celebrating holidays is because it always seems to cause others to treat me differently or not feel I am as “anointed” as I was before they found that out. Suddenly I am perceived not to be a Christian anymore, as someone who has no faith and there is something wrong with. Let’s look at the images we often have of people who don’t celebrate holidays: The portrayal in classic literature and movies is always of anti-Christmas people as stingy, selfish, workaholics, unkind, hardened people while those who want to celebrate are infringed and forced to do things so they can’t observe the holiday because of these evil Scrooges and Grinches. It’s implied and sometimes outright stated that those who don’t celebrate just want to keep people from what’s “really important” in life and the only way they can change their sinister ways is to do what – celebrate Christmas. This mentality has filtered down to today: if we don’t celebrate it, we aren’t in alignment with God in some way. This sounds an awful lot like faith by works to me, that somehow celebrating Christmas is what makes us a Christian, and last time I checked, the Bible is really clear to me that our faith is NOT based in our works. Maybe those who insist it is necessary need to go read their Bibles again.

I’m not sentimental – This one is just a personality quirk of mine. I don’t lament over the “good old days.” I want to move forward to what God has for me, not sit around and cry over sappy commercials. I can’t stand the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” There’s nothing wrong with being sentimental, but there’s nothing wrong with not being sentimental, either, and we need to make room for those who are different as much as those who are conforming to a societal concept of “heartwarming.”

For many, Christmas hurts – Suicides are higher between Christmas and New Year’s than any other time of the year. As you go about your time, prattling on endlessly about your family gathering, there’s someone out there whose mother, or father, or child, or sibling, or close relative, or close friend recently died (or maybe died a few years ago) and doesn’t feel joyful or happy this time of year. There are people who have been rejected by their families, who refuse to have them in their households, for one reason or another, or who make them feel unwelcome there. There are people who live in true poverty and who do not have money to get their children anything, and there is no community goodwill or other organization to make up for their lack of gifts. This time of year makes these feel more empty, reminds them of what they do not have and of what they have lost. Instead of wanting a Christmas card or to hear another Christmas song, they want a hug, they want to know someone cares about them and is there for them instead of feeling lost in the Christmas shuffle.

I hate the “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Holidays” battle – For crying out loud, can we all please grow up? I grew up in a small community that had a very active and thriving Conservative Jewish congregation. I grew up in one church, with one set of Christmas traditions, and many of my friends went to other churches that celebrated different observances. There were kids in my class who were not Christians, even when I was in Catholic school. There were kids whose families only went to church on Christmas, and others who celebrated Christmas, but never went to church. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, and I feel that saying “Merry Christmas” instead of wishing people a blessed season or “Happy Holidays” is shoving Christmas down their throat, like it’s some sort of battle. It is not a witness; it is trying to impose your feelings on everyone else, and that’s just not right. Respect goes a lot further than arguing over cups in Starbucks or automatically assuming it is the right thing…because history is full of people who were zealous over things, and were wrong in their approach.

I am grateful Jesus was born every day of the year – This is the most significant factor for me, and it is why I have saved it for last. I am able to regard “all days as alike” because there isn’t a day of the year when I am not grateful that Jesus was born. There isn’t a day of the year when I am not grateful that Jesus rose from the dead and is just as much with me today as on that day, all those years ago. I don’t need Christmas to be grateful He was born, and I don’t need Easter to be grateful that He is alive. God wants ALL of us, not just a period of time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. The summary to me of it all is from Isaac Watts’ hymn, “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross:”

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were an offering far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

All days are alive because all days of the year, God loves me, and that requires my soul, my life (not just one day or a few days a year), and my all. He is the “I AM,” not the “I Christmas.” If I don’t need it to feel close to Him, then I shouldn’t have to put on a show or pretend that I do just to make you like me better or accept me as a fellow believer. You regard some days as special, then that’s fine. That is between you and God. But my lack of observance is also based on what is between me and God, and I have to observe all days as alike. You have your reasons for what you do, and you believe them to be valid, and as I have proven here, I have my reasons, as well. Mine are just as valid as yours. The point of Romans 14 is to prove that no matter what we do, we should be doing it unto God. If you’re not, and that’s obvious, then you need to make changes accordingly, because that which is not done in faith is done in error. This shouldn’t be a debate and it shouldn’t be such a cause for venomous division and bitter hatred between believers.

Maybe what all of this proves is that no matter how Christian we claim to be, there’s still an awful lot of ways that we cling to our traditions as proof of our belief and we don’t focus enough on our actions aligning with what we believe. Christmas or not, one day should not hinge so much of our identity as believers. Every day, we have the chance to do something good for someone else, to visit our families, to buy or give someone a gift, or to do something for others that matters. We shouldn’t just try to cram it into a holiday that has a spurious history and causes more trouble than it is often worth. The Bible tells us that they will know we are of Christ if we are of love. Thus, the one thing all of us can do is learn to better love one another, no matter what day of the year it is.

© 2016 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

How To Properly Approach American Ministers: A Guide For Foreign Ministries

I realized today that I have blogged on many general principles for leaders that are guidelines across the board, no matter where someone may be from. I have also blogged on things for leaders and ministers to consider when hearing from or interacting with foreign ministries. The one thing that I have never written on, in my oh-so-direct style, is how foreign ministers should approach those of us in other places than their own. It’s not something I ever gave much thought to, although I will admit that I have dealt in international ministry for some time. I am also regularly approached and solicited improperly from foreign ministers who are looking for money, attention, or to connect without having to make a formal commitment, and this means that no matter how someone comes at me via inbox or email, no matter what someone might say and regardless of interior motive – the answer is almost always no, because the approach is almost always the same.

What I have come to realize is that not every ministry outside of the US is all about money or a big scam. I have no doubt there are many serious, well-abled ministries overseas that genuinely do need to connect with good ministries for instruction and Kingdom-building, but the problem is that when everyone approaches us the same, we assume everyone is the same. You can jump up and down and say how unfair that is, or you can read along this blog and take into account the way you approach us, and put in the effort to prove you are different from the others by doing things right. If you come at us like a scammer or like scammers have come at us, we are going to assume you are one, too. So consider this a “cheat sheet,” if you will, on what serious, committed American ministers are looking for when connecting to foreign ministries.

Come right…or don’t come at all – In the United States, we observe many different social codes that extend respect and respectability to certain works and professions. Ministry falls somewhere on the moderate line, as ministry is often not well-respected by general individuals in society due to scams and scandals that have hit the church over the past 30 years. Whether this is right or wrong is not the point; it means that, as ministers, we have to work very hard for the positions we have. Most of us have spent years in training, only to deal with the realities of ministry that are abysmal, at best. We deal with faltering congregations, disobedient leaders, rebellion, lack of finances, and regular frustrations that we all know how to respond to, but those who don’t genuinely respect the work understand. This means that how people approach us – the level of respect and honor that is shown to us – is honor and respect shown to those years of struggle, the frustrations and heartache, to our work and our commitment to the Kingdom. Honoring us is honoring our ministries, and this means that when you come at us, if you aren’t going to come right, save your time. Coming right includes: No flirting, no flattery, referencing us by our title, not your cultural pet names that over here indicate familiarity (mum, dad, calling us by our first name, etc.), do not ask us for money or items, do not fill our inbox with lengthy statements on your ministry and how important you feel you are, do not act too familiar with us, and do not treat us as if we are sitting around, with nothing better to do than entertain your requests.

Do not call us in the middle of the night or FB inbox call us, repeatedly – I understand that we are in different time zones, but I often encounter what I call the “cultural defense” when I tell people they are doing something unseemly or otherwise rude or annoying: they claim ignorance. They explain in their culture it’s such-and-such a way, or it is such-and-such a time, so I should “understand.” Look, you are the one who is coming after us – not us after you. We are not the ones who are just itching to have your time and attention, and that means if you want our attention, have the courtesy to know the proper ways to receive it. That means you make sure before you video call or even call us on the phone, you have our permission to do so and you do so at a proper hour of the day for us.

We are not over here, desperate to have you join our work – Most American ministers have great aspirations for international work and travel, but we are also very busy with the work we do over here and we are not just dying for someone to inbox us and ask us to come to their country at our expense. We also deal with the fact that many ministries barely have time to take care of the responsibilities they have in front of them to worry about what someone is doing in another country and whether or not that person is following the guidelines, doing ministry as they should, or keeping current with what is proper or otherwise. If you want to work with an American ministry, you need to examine just how equipped and purposed they are to attend to issues of instruction and communication, because if you pick a minister just on the basis that they are in the United States, you will not experience a blessed connection without proper instruction and communication.

Understand that we know the drill, and we probably can predict what you are going to say before you say it – I recognize and acknowledge that different cultures have different guidelines for what it means to be sociable and friendly, but I also have yet to talk to someone from Africa, India, or Pakistan who didn’t sound like every other person I’ve already spoken to from Africa, India, or Pakistan. We’ve been the route, we know that you think you are being friendly or smarter than us or something like that, and the conversations are boring and tired. If you want to get our attention, just spit out whatever it is you are looking for without the runaround and give us the option to accept or decline.

Our inboxes are full – Our inboxes are full of requests, much like yours, wanting to affiliate, receive donations, prayer, or teaching. We get tired of being solicited by people who are just looking for handouts. Before you get defensive and try to tell me you aren’t asking for a handout, when was the last time you offered to sow something into our ministries, ask if we needed prayer, or offer us some assistance or benefit from this relationship? I already know the answer, which means: you are asking for a handout. You want us to give you something, and odds are good you either feel you can’t or you do not desire to give something in return, and we cannot reasonably meet all the requests or needs we have. This means if you want to connect with an American minister, it needs to be for more than just a handout; you need to desire a relationship that involves give AND take on both ends, and that we will, most likely, just ignore a request that sounds like every other request we receive.

Don’t take an attitude with us if you get caught in a lie or if we don’t give you the response you want – As I just have explained, we are inundated with requests, wants, and people pulling from us all the time. We have expenses and needs ourselves, and we cannot live to finance your projects. That is not the true definition of “missions,” and I am not sure who started the idea that a mission can be accomplished by just sending money to an entity that we don’t know, but it can’t. If we have already been polite in telling you we are unable to help you, or what our policies are as regards to travel and expenses, don’t keep berating or asking us about it, don’t argue with us about giving, and don’t start lecturing us on faith or the Bible. Knock off the attitude that sounds an awful lot like you are judging us, making it evident that you feel you have more faith than we do or know the Bible better than we do because we tell you no to something. God speaks to us, we hear from Him, and it is He Who sets our regulations and guidelines in place. If you don’t get what you want from us, look at what you want, not what we told you about it.

Don’t judge us – I mentioned this in the last paragraph on spiritual matters, but I am now going to clarify a few things as pertain to judgment against our ministries. Understand that ministry over here is, most likely, done differently than it is in your country. That doesn’t mean that how we handle it is right or wrong, but it means that it is not the same. Don’t expect us to make all the compromises and culturally adapt to  your system, especially if you are unwilling to do the same. It’s different if someone is in your country as a minister, but if you are contacting us while we are here, you are going to have to understand how ministry is handled and abide by those principles out of respect in order to get us to take you seriously. We understand that some differences are to be expected, but because we are living under different regulations, a different system with different benefits and pitfalls, and different circumstances, we aren’t going to work in ministry in the same way that you do. In other words: we may not have started 200 churches (that are now not governed nor cared for, but that’s a different issue) or have 30 orphanages to our name, but that doesn’t mean that what we do is not legitimate or relevant. If you act like what you do is superior, then our attitude will be you can do your ministry all by your uppity self.

We don’t have money to send you – I am not sure what your impression of the American church is, but understand that if you are taking to us, via direct audience online or on phone, we are not T.D. Jakes, Paula White, Joyce Meyer, or any of the other big-name preachers out there. They do not represent our values, our issues, or our work, and the evidence of that is if you tried to call any one of them on the phone, nobody would ever allow you to talk to them directly. Over here, we have to pay for our tax exempt status….and it ain’t cheap. We have to pay rent or mortgage on our church properties, and this is in addition to whatever we have to pay for our own homes. We cover our own light bills, water bills, heating and air conditioning, and all the furnishings, instruments, and outreaches. Many of us have to add our personal money to church tithes and offerings just to pay our bills and break even. If we have a conference in a hotel, that costs us money; if we use a civic center, that costs us money; it even costs us money to do an outreach on the street or the park, as most cities only allow us to do that if we pay a fee of some sort. To do an outreach event in a city park in Raleigh, North Carolina, I would have to pay a minimum of $500 just to have the event. This is before taking a collection or soliciting donations of any sort, because donors want to know what we are doing and when; we can’t just ask and then get the money and do it later. To break it down, $500 dollars in the US is equivalent to $470 Euros, $24,805 Philippine Pesos, $157,000 Nigerian Naira, $45,500 Liberian Dollars, and $34,017 Indian Rupees. That should put in perspective what it costs for us to just do something simple and basic that is done in many other countries without regulation, for free.

Do not come empty-handed – If you are looking for us to be your leadership organization, you should never come to a leader with the expectation that they will pay for everything for you and you will do nothing for them. The leaders in both the Old and New Testaments were provided for by the people. It doesn’t matter what country someone is from; everyone sows into the ministry that provides their guidance and leadership. Also, observe proper rank and file. A good guideline is “never ask up.” You should never go to a leader of a superior office and ask for money, things, or for us to buy your products or sell them in our country.

Don’t mix lines between personal and professional – Contrary to what some might imply, there are men and women in the US who both appreciate the single life and who can find a mate if they so desire, right where they are. We are not all looking for mates and we get very annoyed when you do not respect the boundaries of courtesy, respect, and decency with us. Either you want to work with us or you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but don’t use ministry to get the latter.

Don’t send us a trillion pictures – Please, we don’t know who you are from a hole in the wall. We don’t know where you got those pictures. You could have stolen them from National Geographic, for all we know. Sending them does not legitimize you to us and it just…well…annoys us. We don’t like looking at a million pictures of your ministry. Just do us a favor and don’t send them if we haven’t asked to see them.

Don’t lie to us – I am good at catching people in lies. If you send me a message that says you love my ministry or you love my website, I am going to ask you what you like about it. If you don’t have an answer, I am going to rebuke you and you aren’t going to like it. Contrary to rumors, not all Americans are stupid, and we don’t roll over and play dead to submit to lies. Once I got an inbox from a minister in Africa who praised me to the sky about all the “good things” he’d heard about my ministry. When I asked him what he heard, he never answered. When I asked him who he heard these things through, he told me, “A deacon in NC.” I pressed further and he told me, “Deacon Chris.” When I asked what ministry “Deacon Chris” was from, he refused to answer me and told me how “embarrassed” he was by the questions I was asking. Look, I’m going to ask questions. If you are legitimate, you have nothing to fear by answering them. If you don’t answer them, then you can go wherever you want, but it won’t have anything to do with me or my ministry.

Don’t be vague – I hate “vague” statements. I hate “vague” word. A vague statement is “I love your website and all it says.” A vague word is “God is working out your whole life to your benefit” or “You are so blessed!” When you don’t know the first thing about me or my life. If you can’t be specific, you aren’t hearing from God, you are mimicking a method of ministering you heard someone else do. If you want to talk to me, you better know just what it is on that website that you like or about me or my ministry that you like, and I better like the answer when I press you about it.

Don’t ask us to come to your country when you don’t know us, and then expect us to put up our own money to do so – If you have so many ministries under you, then get everyone together and cover our plane ticket. That’s what’s called “hospitality.” It means you are responsible for our comfort and care, and to the best of your ability, should duplicate the accommodations we are used to. If you can’t make us comfortable, then you are asking us to come out of selfish ambition and desire. You do not have a right to our time or our ministry, and you need to treat us with the same courtesy you would anyone else who ministers for you.

Don’t ask us and 10 of our friends for the same thing – Over here, we talk. We talk a lot. If one minister comes at us for something, especially if the minister is overseas, we are going to check with our friends as to what was requested all around. If you add me just to add 20 of my FB friends, I will find out. You will get caught. Pick one leader at a time and don’t go around looking like you are just trying to get anyone’s attention who will get it. It’s unseemly.

If you want leadership, prepare to get it – You would never go to a leader in your own country and defy them, because that would be considered improper…so why do you do it to us? If you want our leadership, you need to submit yourselves to our rules and guidance. Don’t try to negotiate them or act like they are somehow a bother; follow them. Remember, you are the one who feels God ordained this; this wasn’t our idea. Don’t waste our time. Be direct in your speech and intention, and don’t ever, under any circumstances, take up an attitude.

Communicate regularly – If you want to be covered by me and then don’t talk to me for six months, I am not going to take you seriously. I recognize that there are sometimes technological issues at hand, but really, all of us can do better than sporadic conversation. If you are serious, make the effort.

Understand where we are coming from – I know of at least 4 individuals offhand who were scammed out of money by individuals overseas. I’ve been overseas myself, and I know that the conditions people claim to live under in foreign countries are often seriously exaggerated or untrue, all together. I know I get tired of being treated like I am nothing more than a great financial bank for the whole world. It’s disrespectful; it’s offensive that all people want from us is our money, as if we have nothing else to offer that is of value. We live with these realities every day and they affect how eager we are to jump into an agreement or partnership with a minister overseas. We don’t have to prove ourselves – or our ministries – to people who want something from us. If you can’t empathize with the fact that we watch our friends lose money and the deep offenses we experience when people mistreat us just because we are from the United States, then we don’t have the time to get to know you very well.

The bottom line of this blog: we can love and interact with you as we would with anyone else, but everyone else makes the effort to treat us right and enter into proper relationship with us. If you want to do this, no matter where you are from, the basics are always true: treat us like you want to be treated. Don’t act like we owe you anything. Don’t beat around the bush, but just be upfront with us. Speak to us properly. Understand that things are different, and we are open to new ideas, but somewhere in there, you have to meet us halfway. Don’t treat us like a bank or a 24-hour prayer line. Get to know us, and our work. These facts will go a lot further than blasting our inboxes or hoping that a few words of flattery will endear you to us…because with most ministers, it just won’t work.

© 2016 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

Power For Today Magazine, Fourth Quarter 2016

Power For Today Magazine, Fourth Quarter 2016

Power For Today Magazine: Power For Today Magazine, Fourth Quarter 2016

Power For Today Magazine is published quarterly and is a publication of Apostolic Fellowship International Ministries. Fourth Quarter 2016: Be All That You Can Be, featuring the interview with Pastor Emma Weatherington, founder of Apostolic House of God. Cover feature: Embracing Truth. Articles by…

Find out more on MagCloud

Power For Today Magazine, Third Quarter 2016

Power For Today Magazine, Third Quarter 2016

Power For Today Magazine: Power For Today Magazine, Third Quarter 2016

Power For Today Magazine is published quarterly and is a publication of Apostolic Fellowship International Ministries. Third Quarter 2016: Spreadin' Agape Love, featuring the interview with Apostle Yolanda Davis Greggs, founder of SALT Ministries. Cover feature: When Your Prayers Go Unanswered.…

Find out more on MagCloud


I’m a woman,

And I have never been raped,

But I do know what it is like

To be judged by physical attributes,

To be put down or intimidated due to gender,

To be passed up for promotion or demeaned

Or told that I have to have a “certain place.”

I live with rape culture

Every day

And know what it is like to feel unsafe

With a man,

With a predator,

When you are by yourself,

Or when things just don’t “feel right”

And no one believes you.


I’m Italian-American,

And I am not an immigrant,

Although my grandparents were.

Under the FDR administration,

He issued a ten-year ban

On all Italians coming into this country.

I don’t know what it’s like to be deported,

Or face deportation,

But my ancestors certainly did.

I live with the reality

That when people talk about deportation,

They could have been talking about any one of my relatives.


I’m not dark in my skin,

But I do know what it’s like

To hear an ethnic slur,

To be demeaned by words

People should never use.

To be told you don’t belong somewhere,

To be deliberately excluded,

To be mistreated

All because someone deems you “inferior.”


I’m not LGBT or Q,

But I do know what it’s like

To be in a relationship people don’t accept

Or regard as valid.

To fear that people will find things out

And judge you because of them

Or worse, penalize you because of them…

Deny you a job,

Not let you in their church,

Not think you should be near them,

To be treated like you have a “disease.”


I’m not Muslim,

But I know what it’s like

To be in a controversial religion,

One people do not readily accept,

One that used to be “counter culture,”

One that made a statement

That people found threatening

Felt would assault the very fabric of society,

Felt would change the entire world.


safety_pin.pngThe world is changing

And I know what it’s like to be afraid.

I know what I see

Sometimes scares me too.

And I don’t know what it looks like

Walking in your skin,

But I do know what it looks like

From walking in mine.

So I wear this,

Just to let you know,

Just to remind you,

If you ever need me…

I’m here.


(c) 2016 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.

How The American Church Majorly Lost This Election

*Note: this blog contains uncensored quotations.

**Secondary note: rude or defensive comments will be deleted.

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. – The Gospel of Thomas, Verse 70

When I speak on the American church losing this election, I am not talking in terms of candidates and who won or lost. Whether or not America’s presidential election is launching a great era or a bad one is a matter of personal opinion, and the realities of that opinion will either be confirmed by facts, or they won’t. Either way, I feel that American Christians severely lost this election, and we lost because who too many of us really are was exposed for the entire world to see.

I am not given to politics. I do have my opinions, but when I traded in the world for the Kingdom years ago, I let it go. Prior to that time, I was a lobbyist for women’s issues within the New York State house and senate, and I will fully admit that I did what I did as a lobbyist for both Planned Parenthood and Concerned Clergy for Choice. I am not ashamed of the fact that I did community education for women in preventing disease and unwanted pregnancy, and that I was a part of the EC in the ER bill back when it was still on the New York State floor (later, it was signed into law by President Bush). One of the major reasons I left was because I felt they were mixing politics and I was not comfortable with where they were going. All in all, however, I do still follow matters; I do still have thoughts about what is best for my country, and now, most definitely as a church leader, I have thoughts about what is best for the church.

I resolved when this whole election mess started that I wouldn’t delete people because of who they voted for president. I still state I have not done that, although I will fully admit that one side got deleted a lot more than the other because of their behavior. No matter who you back for president, you should be able to do it with poise and not vile, ungodly behavior. When people started getting ungodly, I waited, and I toughed it out, until I simply could not watch what was being done and said any longer. Good or bad, whether someone thinks I am right or wrong, I deleted people who couldn’t behave and even blocked a few because they would not stop their vile conduct.

For this, I am not sorry. It is an example of how the church lost this election, and how if we don’t get ourselves together, we are going to destroy ourselves. Which is why I write this blog.  As a church, we need to be reached.

I am not going to use this blog to get into a discourse on church and politics; I am saving that for my next blog series, which will be very insightful into the origins of these movements and the realities that, whether or not they tell you that you’re “voting the Bible,” you’re not, and you aren’t doing what you do out of Biblical belief, but rather, clever propaganda. In fact, what I am seeing in our losses as a church is how easily swayed we are by propaganda, by ideas and thoughts that we’ve heard so much, we don’t realize they aren’t true even slightly. So here, we are going to look at all the ways we’ve lost…in a big way.

Following the improvers of men – Whenever I start looking at the throngs of people Christians seem to follow, I always hear the words of Nietzsche in one of his works: “These improvers of men – who are they? And who made them improvers?” In other words – we are surrounded by self-declared experts who, for whoever knows what reason, decided that these are the people we should follow because they have the “answers.” We don’t know where they came from, we don’t know the first thing about them, and what they have to say is really not that innovative or interesting. Most of the time, they are “improving” by getting caught up in waves of emotion and swaying people to their thoughts and feelings. What came to me this election was the true way in which people simply follow people because they are perceived to be famous, more “spiritual,” claim to have been to heaven three hundred times in the past year, or because they are simply more entertaining. The more we clamor that we want something new, the more we follow people who are literal and traditional, who uphold our modern traditions and who make us feel better about who we are as believers, isolating ourselves and ignoring the bigger issues of the church as an international whole.

When Charisma Magazine started endorsing Donald Trump, I was done with them. I hadn’t been a big fan of Charisma’s cohorts for awhile, because I felt that many of their statements were derogatory to women without being derogatory (they criticized feminism, made women in ministry sound like a commodity rather than something that should just exist, and elevated some people over others), but I was willing to tolerate them. Before now. Now they just sound like a bunch of “improvers” with an agenda to push, one that is not for the good of the church but for whatever ideals they have, and their conservative ideals leave out a good majority of a more moderate or more liberal church that has no interest in what they seek to push or promote.

We love money – and that’s not a good thing – I have this sinking feeling that had Donald Trump just been some poor, unsuccessful man who decided to run for president, he wouldn’t have taken the world – or a good percentage of the church community – by storm. Everyone would have blown him off (like they should have) and not taken it all real seriously. Because he is a billionaire businessman, he’s right up the alley of people who think prosperity is the key to everything and the ideal that God blesses people with only money. In prosperity logic, Donald Trump as a billionaire equates to Donald Trump being favored by God, with no consideration for the fact that there are rich people and poor people and it rains on both alike. Throw in a few chants for conservative politics and you have a complete recipe for the ultimate deception. Which brings me to my next point…

We don’t understand spiritual gifts and five-fold ministry offices – When I discovered that Charisma Magazine and many others were endorsing the idea that Donald Trump was a prophet, it was enough to make me want to throw in the towel and join another religious group. For the past decade, I have taught on spiritual gifts, on the five-fold ministry, and what apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers do…and it’s apparent that the church is simply not listening. How anyone can presume or compare a secular politician in a secular country, who has no prophetic training, who we have no comprehensive education he is even a Christian, is a prophet sent to deliver a message is absurd. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are secular politicians appointed to represent secular groups of people. There is no evidence to bespeak that either one of them has a prophetic or any other sort of ministry gift because neither of them are in ministry. We do know Hillary Clinton is a churchgoing Methodist, but we have nothing to suggest that Donald Trump had set foot in a church in recent memory before someone went and put a prayer shawl on him. The very act of doing so was disgraceful, because it proved that we don’t understand the symbolic power of such garments and that we so want to have our own way and feel like someone represents the church that we were willing to compromise spiritual dignity.

If we don’t understand spiritual gifts and the five-fold ministry, that means we need to sit down long and hard and admit we don’t know about the Bible (as a church) as we might like to hope we do and start learning from accurate leaders who may not be sensational, but can help us get to where we need to be in the spiritual realm.

A revolving cast of characters – What do Jezebel and Elijah have to do with this election? The proper spiritual answer is nothing, but somehow, they got dragged into this election as the whole thing took on a ridiculous, fanciful messianic character that was, quite frankly, an embarrassment. Donald Trump cannot by any serious scholar be compared to the Prophet Elijah for a few reasons. The first is that Elijah went up against Ahab, not Jezebel. There is not a single verse in the Bible that ever says God sent Elijah to talk to Jezebel, because Ahab was the leader, not Jezebel. Jezebel only had as much power as Ahab lent to her, and if you read the whole story of Ahab and Jezebel, you will see that Ahab deliberately went and sought out Jezebel for his wife in rebellion to God. But Donald Trump was running for president, for the highest position in the land. He wasn’t a spiritual authority sent to go talk to the highest authority in the land. He brought no spiritual measure to the election and he was not “going up” to combat anyone. He was a man battling an election against a politician, but both were to be elected by the people and the electoral college. Ahab was a king; he inherited his position, he was not voted in. Donald Trump did not speak a singular prophetic word the entire election. God did not appoint Trump to speak on His behalf.

The theology and scriptural errancy in these ideas is almost laughable, but what is even more scary is how quickly and desperately people swallowed it up. People want a leader so bad, want someone they feel they can “identify” with, they bought this, hook, line, and sinker. But as one of my pastors put it, “Who decides who is who?” That, I feel, is a really important message – who DOES make these decisions, and why do people follow them so readily?

Not caring enough who are leaders are – I have made the statement in the past few years that I get sick of being “Al Borland.” If you’ve ever watched the show, Home Improvement, the main character, Tim Taylor, is host of a cable tool show, Tool Time. He’s always screwing up and everybody hates him. Al is his assistant; quiet, competent, and clearly knows what he is doing. Tim got the job because he was more entertaining, even though Al might have been more qualified. I feel like this is exactly where we are in church today. People throng behind a leader they think might be more entertaining or more popular while forsaking competent leaders who can teach them the Word and about ministry, bringing them to a place where their work speaks for itself. The fact that Christians thronged behind Donald Trump shows me that we don’t care enough about who we choose for our leaders. We are willing to overlook aspects of their character and their credentials that are unqualified for the job and improper for those behaviors as believers in order to get the one who has the most money, is the most popular, or stirs up the emotions the most.

There are people who have been on my Facebook page for years; some of them I even met in person. When they started using foul language on their pages, becoming aggressive and pushy, and behaving in a manner that was downright derogatory, I had to disconnect from them. They refused to hear that they were behaving improperly and it was obvious they had picked up the nature of their desired “leader.”

The leaders we pick are the leaders we become. Let that sink in.

Trying to make prophecies fit where they don’t, showing we don’t understand Scripture – I have seen more Christians try to stuff current happenings into the Bible during this election than I ever have in my entire life. It is almost as if there is this intense drive to make things “apply” or “fit,” to make circumstances and world happenings point to something that they simply do not.

Look, the book of Revelation and the book of Daniel are not a gigantic codebook that we can plug headlines into. They are prophecies we should seek to understand from the perspective in which they were written, and see something more in them than just trying to shove an agenda down everyone’s throats. The more we keep trying to misuse Scripture, the more we prove to the world that we do not understand it and we do not desire to learn it.

We’re not conscientious enough about world events – When an individual running for office says, “I would bomb the shit out of them” in regards to a perceived threat to the United States, that individual proves that they do not know enough about how politics work. When people seriously think that building a wall on the Mexican border, using nukes, “loving war,” and handling the international community is a good idea, they are proving that they don’t know the first thing about what goes on internationally and how problems and issues get resolved. Because Christians in America insist on believing they are being persecuted and mistreated, they are missing the fact that how we interact with other nations seriously impacts the spread of the church worldwide and our ability to fellowship and consider our international brethren. It deeply disturbs me when I hear people talk in a derogatory manner about Palestinians, because they are also talking about Palestinian Christians who get lost in political rhetoric. This is a classic example of how politics cause us to throw the church under the bus and to ignore our international, borderless brotherhood and sisterhood of believers. There is more in the international world to consider besides the nations of America and Israel, and there is more to think about than just what is best for us in an immediate sense. There is a fine line between patriotism and idolatry, and if we can’t separate the two, it doesn’t surprise me why the American church has almost completely dropped off the missions map. You can’t go on missions if you already think you’re superior in this modern world.

Christians behaving badly – I acknowledge that people misuse the concept of love to indicate that anything should go sometimes, but we can’t erase that the Bible does tell us God is love and we are supposed to love one another. There is special Biblical injunction for loving those in the Christian community as well, because such proves that God is real. If we can’t love each other, after all, how can we even venture the idea of trying to love others? If this election proves anything, however, it’s that the church has deluded itself on what love really is and is using the defense of truth to try and turn love into a right-fight. The way so-called Christians have behaved this election disturbs me to levels unknown: posting derogatory pictures and memes, bashing, public cussing, not considering how they behave or what they say might hurt someone else’s feelings (let alone turn off onlookers to Christianity in the process), and just not considering or caring that a public official has to think about more than just what one group of people might want.

The way people have behaved is disgusting. The fact that their candidate got elected just endorses it. My Bible tells me I have to die to myself, to the things I might want and the way I might want to act sometimes, not that I have the right to run around and say, “And you can tell them to go fuck themselves.”

The divisions of the American church – Like it or not, the church in America is not one. Our churches are still largely divided by racial lines, the church is sexist with no intention to change that any time soon, the church as a whole is unkind and ungodly toward LGBT individuals, and it’s obvious through incidious propaganda and teaching that nobody even thinks about that the church as a whole has no intention of correcting or changing where it’s at. Change, however, is exactly what is needed, but this won’t happen until the “improvers of men” just become “men with opinions.”

Not separating from undignified individuals – In keeping with my last point, those of us who believe in unity held on as long as we could to people who don’t have any regard or respect for those of us who don’t agree with them on many important issues. We held on to people who didn’t support our ministries and who most of the time picked other leaders and individuals to fraternize with because they liked them better. All of this relates to what I spoke of earlier, about thronging to people who we see as more entertaining and more emotional. These same people, however, are ones who would say I was not a real Christian because I did not endorse Donald Trump for president.

I believe the accusation is unfounded, but I think it’s more to-the-point that we are insisting on holding on to people who proved long before this election that we weren’t THEIR choice in their understanding of the kingdom. People who maintained dignity, discussed things with respect, and who worked as hard as they could to die to the flesh and love people regardless were classified as not being really Christian. This has unveiled where our priorities lie; how too many are defining faith and belief; and, whether or not we want to admit it, reducing faith to issues of salvation by works because the implication is made that if you don’t do what they want, you aren’t saved.

Not acknowledging the sins of their candidate – I’m tired of hearing about emails and Benghazi. If I never hear about either again, life will be great, but I know better. You can’t run around and say Hillary Clinton is a criminal and then bury your head in the sand when it came out that Donald Trump had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a fourteen-year-old girl and dozens of other women. You can’t expect Elijah to be a sexual deviant. Nope. Not equal time, not right, and certainly not family values.

If you can’t accept the sins of your candidate, then he is an idol. He is not Elijah, he is not Jesus, he is not a prophet, he is a man with multiple marriages and children from several different women, and that means I don’t want to hear another word about single mothers, divorce and remarriage, or anything else related to this topic. If your selected leader can get away with it, so can everyone else.

Only considering part – not all – of the issues – Abortion is not the only issue that should be considered when it comes to a candidate. There are medical reasons why late-term abortions become necessary, and there is no such thing as an abortion in the ninth month. Making abortion illegal doesn’t stop abortions, it just creates death. Immigration is a complicated issue, but the Berlin Wall proved that it’s not as simple as building a wall. There are other things that we need to consider as citizens of a nation that have nothing to do with hot-button issues. A lot of things can bring economic instability and can cause racial tensions, the downfall of companies, and the like. We’re supposed to be big enough and set ourselves aside enough to consider social issues that effect everyone, not just what we might like in an ideal world or ideal setting.

Judging different decisions – I saw two extremes this election: individuals who said you would go to hell if you voted for anyone this election, and people who said you would go to hell if you did not vote in the election. Neither statement is fair theologically and neither is true. God is not up in heaven endorsing candidates and the decision to vote is a personal one, made between an individual and their country. The popular vote of the US was for Clinton, not Trump, and the fact that some feel now their vote was wasted or that participating in the system had no point is a justified feeling. Let’s all stop judging one another on this matter already!

Being afraid – When I first heard that Trump won the electoral college vote, my first impulse was fear. I never imagined his run would go this far and that I would have to face the fact that he might be elected, for real. Everything he had said throughout this election ran through my head: “I love war.” “Yes, even with nukes.” “I would bomb the shit out of them.” “I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me.” “They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime.” They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.” “He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured? I like people who weren’t captured.”

My thoughts raced to numerous people I’ve met around here: The front-end manager at the Wal-Mart up the street who is from Pakistan, the couple I’ve met with their grandson who is from India, the numerous Hispanics from different parts of Latin America, all of whom are living their lives and minding their own business. Then I thought about our own lives and what can happen and I got quickly worried. God had to remind me that He has not given us a spirit of fear. I have to remember that even in the midst of this, God is using the situation to bring us to a place where we are willing to look at ourselves and where we are to find a place of change. Even this crazy election should be used not to feel vindicated, but to look at who we are and what we need to do.

If you believe in the last days, then you should realize that the church’s time to get itself together isn’t real long. Even if you don’t believe we are in the last days, we all know God doesn’t allow mess to go on forever. We need to learn the truth, the Scriptures, the realities about who we are and stop aggrandizing everything. We have the responsibility to learn how to live with others. The election might have been a disaster politically, but it is only a disaster spiritually if we refuse to learn and accept that we aren’t who we think we are. The sooner we do this, the sooner God can do what He wants to do in and through us.

© 2016 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.


The word “selah” gets thrown around since it was popularized by a musical group who used it as their main identifying theme. What we do know of selah is that it is found in the Bible seventy-four times, seventy-one in Psalms and three in Habakkuk’s third chapter. It is most definitely some sort of musical notation, but its exact meaning is unknown. What we do know of it, however, can be explained in the following as either one or all of the following explanations:

As a musical note, to indicate that musical forte should be used and overall sound should be louder.

To joint two different ideas together, or to link two thoughts.

As a division, to divide thoughts

As a way to take the command that has been given, which one should pay attention to and think about.

In the Amplified Bible, the word selah is amplified as “pause and calmly think about that.”

The past week, the Lord has spoken the word “selah” to me. When it has come to me, no other words accompany it; just “selah.” Given the different understandings of the word, which I believe can all apply in one form or another, I believe it is a word that God is speaking to me as is relevant to the season I am in that is now coming to a close.

Selah fits.

A little over a year ago, I thought the season I was in was truly over. I was at a new phase of things. We were moving into a building and we were starting Sanctuary here in Raleigh. I wasn’t starting a new company, but was working on a new partnership that I hoped would better income, as income was a major issue. All the words that people gave me pointed to the fact that this was a new season, I was even given word from one individual that I was walking into a “new season,” it was a new time, and I should have faith and trust that the support would be there and the people would come.

I won’t lie; I had my doubts. I was hesitant to enter into a contract for a building when I was not sure we would be able to pay for it for the duration. I believed that if I didn’t have all twelve months upfront to pay for the property, I couldn’t afford it. That was branded as a lack of faith by several people and the word I was given encouraged me to move forward despite my doubts. It was supposed to be a new time, a season to stretch my faith and watch God show up and show out in ways I could never have imagined.

Discernment is a funny thing. I did discern that moving into the building and doing the work that I was to do was God-directed, but I had serious doubts about the long-term outcome. We hadn’t been in the building two weeks and God was already telling me that we weren’t going to finish out the lease. The one thing He did tell me was that we wouldn’t be evicted for non-payment, which did reassure me that He was in this, even though I wasn’t sure how it would all make sense. I thought we were into something new, it was time to be over with the past, and that the reason I was sent to this area in the first place was finally starting to manifest. I expected good, different things to happen.

So imagine my surprise when the season didn’t end and it was filled with the same issues of the past season: attacks from people I covered and devoted time and attention to assisting. People leaving the ministry with hard feelings when I did nothing to prompt those hard feelings. Attacks from people outside of the ministry, nonstop, that I didn’t even know that well but seemed to have plenty of opinions. Money wasn’t an issue immediately, but about five months in, it became such a focal point, the lease became the only reason we continued in the property. We noticed mold at one point that turned into an infestation, eventually causing the lease to terminate early (as was God’s word). By that point, it was a relief. Those who were attending the church stopped coming after the woman training to be pastor got angry that someone else under the ministry was getting ordained and the whole situation just turned into one problem after another. The issues did not end there, and included other people who refused to be accountable under the ministry, step up and do their job, and just left me in a position to be both high and dry, out of money, and plain tired.

What God showed me earlier this year is that I misjudged the season. I didn’t misjudge it by myself; I had help in that. I assumed the season was over because I was starting something new and it seemed like a new beginning. What really happened is that I was wrapping things up from the current season, making sure that those who didn’t need to be involved in the future stayed wherever they were and I was able to move forward without them. I needed to know things to move forward, both about others and the process of ministry growth involved. More than anything, I needed to see that I have been carrying people for a long time who need to be dropped somewhere. Instead of expecting them to grow, I have tried to work with them where they are, and in the process, I have tolerated a lot of things I shouldn’t have. That’s what happens when we misjudge seasons: we try to make things fit that just don’t and foster things that don’t work in the name of moving forward. In reality, we do nothing but stand still and spin, frustrating ourselves and feeling a lot of animosity and hard feelings.

Yes, there are people who care about us, but who just don’t have enough interest, motivation, or desire to do what needs to be done and to be there when you need them. This goes for those who are covered as well as those who might mentor or cover, and the truth is that sometimes it’s just burdensome. It’s difficult to be in seasons and situations where you don’t really feel like anyone is there to care for you or to take your issues into their prayer closet because everyone is so focused on their own. It’s a lot harder to live it, and to stand around and realize that if you want change to come, you have to change most of the people who are around you.

The problem with misjudging the season is, obviously, the results. Everything pointed to a new beginning. I consulted what was supposed to be “wise counsel” and when things did not seem new to me, I couldn’t get anyone who had made statements of visions, promises, and moving forward to say anything useful to me. In fact, nobody I consulted who gave such word were even willing to take the time and answer me when I reached out to them. It was the same story, the same scenario all over again, where people push us into a decision that they won’t have to answer for or be accountable for and then you are left holding the bag. Then when accountability and responsibility come calling, nobody takes responsibility for the fact that they missed God and spoke word that encouraged something inaccurate.

I believe that people were accurate in telling me God was in my actions, but I believe that they misjudged the results. Instead of telling me that I was at the end of something and that this was a project that was a part of a cyclical completion, the push for new and the promise that it would all work out in such a way that would be different from before was very misleading. I would have so been blessed if someone would have said to me, “This is something you have to do, but don’t expect the results to be different, because you’re not done yet.” It would have brought clarity and while it might have hurt and I might not have readily accepted it, it would have been words that would have hallowed in my ears when things started to change.

I’ve said many times I wish that someone would have been honest about not hearing from God, but I know that won’t happen. They won’t admit they didn’t hear God fully and misjudged the word themselves. They will do what so many do and try to cleverly contort what was said, making me out to misunderstand or accusing me of going into it with wrong faith or motive. Instead of saying they are sorry and standing up for the difficulties of the season, I am supposed to cheerlead now for whatever it is they want to do and pretend their season is new…when it’s exactly the same.

This season is coming to a close. I know the official sign that will mark its end, and I am looking forward to a new season. To get to it, however, I need to be different. I need a “selah” moment, one by which my praise is louder, my thoughts are divided and new ones are joined together, to hear God’s command above those who want to speak for God, but are not hearing from Him, and to pause and think about whatever is said. It’s God’s decisions who leaves, who stays, who moves forward, who will change and who will not, because sometimes we need to accept that people can’t be what we need to do new things around us.

To get to where we want to be, we need to stop and consider where we are and what it will take to go to the next place. Sometimes, in those interims, we need to stop looking for a word, stop relying on those who are around us, and stop and think about God. If we don’t want to make the mistakes of the past, we must pause, stop jumping around with the thrill of the words “It’s a new season!” reiterated every time we get in church, and learn to tell the true from the false in a deeper sense. We need to know God, we need to know times and seasons for ourselves, and I really feel we need to listen to and embrace true teachers. Just because a leader tells you all the stereotypical churchy things about family, abortion, gay marriage, voting Republican, and the traditions you’ve grown accustom to embrace doesn’t mean they are teaching you the things you need to know to embrace God for yourself and to recognize where He has you and for what reason.

When our standards increase and we expect more of those around us as well as ourselves, our seasons will shift. Only when we stop and pause to think about important things will we realize where God desires us to be. More than where we are going, we will realize what we need to gain from the season we are currently in. God doesn’t shift every week, every day, every time someone gets on Facebook and wants to speak a word over us. It’s not over, we aren’t coming out, it’s not already done, and we are not always harvesting. These things might encourage us, but they don’t encourage us to do right and stand back as we have our selah moments. In God, we will stay right where we are until we are ready to move forward. God knows when that will be, and that means the time for our shift is in His hour…definitely not ours. We can dance, shout, scream, speak in tongues, go to a million conferences, get slain in the Spirit every time, and believe whatever we want, but to quote a famous phrase, “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”

Here’s to change. Here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to the growth God wants us to have. Here is to true word, true prophets, true five-fold leaders, and true people who hear from God and know Him from their own selves or their own rhetoric. Here’s to new seasons that are new, for real, when God knows we are ready. Here’s to leaving the past behind. Here’s to God: yesterday, today, and forever.


Domestic Violence Education in Pop Culture: DAUGHTERS

DAUGHTERS, by John Mayer (From the album Heavier Things, 2003)

The rumor about John Mayer’s song, “Daughters,” is that he begged his producer not to release it – he felt the song was career suicide. Instead, this powerful song about the effects of abuse won him Song of the Year at the 2005 Grammy Awards.

“Daughters” is a powerful treatise on the later-effects of abuse as he sings about a girl who he deeply loved, but was so deeply affected by the abuse of her father, she was unable to be in a serious relationship with him. The poignant lyrics give us all things to consider about the long-term affects of abuse and the understanding of such from the perspective of both the abused and those who love them later on.

“I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will live like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too”