You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. – Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)
Have you ever been in a situation where you were absolutely fine with things…and then one day, the feelings you had about the situation started to completely change? For almost a year, I was at peace with how I handled a situation. Even though the situation brought me many storms along the way and a lot of personal problems, I was at peace with how I handled it. I knew in each situation I was presented, I was doing what God wanted me to do. Had I to do it over again, I would, despite the end result. I wasn’t faced with an easy task, but God knew what I could and could not handle.
For so long, I weathered the bumps in the road, the questions, the inquiries. The fringe people who were rude or nasty, and clearly unappreciative. Things were being accomplished, movement was coming. It wasn’t necessarily in the way that I had wanted it to be or the way I expected it to be, but it still meant something, nonetheless. Then, somewhere along the way…the progress stopped. The accomplishment stopped. At first, there seemed to be obvious reasons for it: work, life, projects, other things in the way. How I was expected to “help,” however, stayed the same, even though productivity stopped on the other end.
Then there were the comments, or the attitudes, or the bad prophetic words given, here and there. There were arguments when a word was not accepted, because it was completely off. There were judgments, disagreements, and points reached where I was ready to throw in the towel and give it all up. I was “hanging in there” because of the work that needed to be done, but it was becoming more and more obvious that what I needed done wasn’t going to get done.
A few weeks back, I told God that I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. It was all taking up too much time for too little results and I was tired of the other person’s chronically negative attitude toward me. The other individual in the situation certainly didn’t speak to others like he spoke to me, even though those people weren’t willing to help, when I was. Excuses were made for everyone else, but what was being done was clearly not appreciated. I had tried my best. Despite some good periods, things were not good anymore and it was all just taking up – and wasting – too much of my time.
I started feeling different things about the situations: resentment that what I needed done wasn’t getting done, noticing all the wasted time involved in the situation, wondering why I kept feeling depressed whenever this individual would try to give me a “word” that was supposed to help me, but didn’t, not wanting all their things around my work space, tired of dealing with their sullenness and pouting like a child, not wanting to hear the put-downs disguised as “divine insight.” I had never once regretted or resented the situation, until that moment I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
I stopped feeling right about the situation and about things that were upcoming or planned. I didn’t want to do certain things that related to promotion or ministry inclusion and I just didn’t know, on the surface, what was really wrong with me. I just suddenly didn’t feel at peace with too many projects this other person was involved in, and I didn’t feel right about going forward with them.
What was wrong with me is that things were shifting and changing, and God was preparing me for it all. I started to notice things that were probably undetectable to other people. Little things, here and there. Little things that turned into bigger things and then turned into something else. Other people were noticing, by now. Maybe we didn’t all know what it was, but we all knew it was there. I knew something was coming, but at first, I thought it was just me. By this time, I knew it wasn’t me. I wasn’t sure what it all meant, but I knew it was real.
Then, in literally a span of approximately thirty minutes, it was all over. Do I like how it was ended, since it involved the other person being nasty and out of line? No, I don’t. Yet I don’t regret that it is over, either. I haven’t had a moment of sadness, I haven’t even been angry. I’d already been angry at this person, before, for things they’d done and ways they’d behaved. I wasn’t angry now…I wasn’t anything.
I was at peace.
Sometimes the people we think we need the most are the people who wind up needing to leave the most. Sometimes the things, the favors, the work they do for us reaches a point where it’s more of a bondage than a blessing. While the past year was hard, this now season, this now phase, is wide open. I’ve receive a blessing in disguise…because now, for the first time in a long time…I am completely free.
Sometimes other’s biggest departures are our biggest blessings in disguise.
© 2015 Lee Ann B. Marino. All rights reserved.