Get Un-Jealous!

On my trip this past weekend, I spent a lot of time in the car, which means I spent a lot of time listening to the radio.  Since the trip was last-minute, I didn’t think to take CDs with me, so I sacrificed myself to whatever was on the radio…and spent a lot of time changing stations as I passed through areas.  One song I heard repeatedly – at least 6 times in two days – was “Jealous” by Nick Jonas.  Granted, I am not the biggest Nick Jonas fan, or a particular fan of the Jonas Brothers (boy bands really aren’t my thing), I probably have it in my favor that I didn’t know the song was Nick Jonas until after I heard it for the third or fourth time.
Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me about this song is the fact that rumor has it Nick Jonas wrote it for his girlfriend, Olivia….and the way that it is being received as a cute, popsy song within popular culture.  The video is excessively sexualized, showing the girl as a complete instigator in the jealousy this particular individual has and makes relationship jealousy and possession completely acceptable.  The song has a creepy and dangerous message (“It’s my right to be hellish”) and sounds beyond paranoid, almost as if the guy is spinning himself into a state that he feels is completely justified, feeling like she “puts it all out there” for everyone else…with the bottom line of the message…I CAN’T HELP IT.

Sure, you can!

I am all for fidelity in relationships.  I don’t question that there are women and men alike who deliberately push relationship boundaries and that there are even some people who truly get a high off of such a sensation.  There are ways, however to deal with situations like that, which include either stop engaging with that individual, stop dating them, say how you feel, etc…without pulling the crazy, jealous card.  Acting “hellish” is never a solution to the problem and to just have a relationship where such a pattern is endorsed is not only dangerous, it is abusive.

Domestic violence is an issue that, I feel, as a church, we have severely dropped the ball on.  At one point in time, it seemed like there was more support for those who lived with domestic violence and we considered it less ‘acceptable’ than we do today. Now I say it’s never acceptable for a man to hit a woman and people start.  “Domestic violence is a people issue!”  “What about women who hit men?” “She asked for it, she got up in my face!”

You’re right: domestic violence IS a people issue.  It affects families, children, relationships, men and women alike.  I don’t deny that there are situations where men are abused by women, but it is far less of an issue than men beating women.  Lastly, I don’t care who you feel “asked” for anything, if you are such a big man, then you control yourself and walk away.  Nobody “asks” to be hit, nobody “asks” for you to act unseemly and abusive.  The way in which culture has embraced this song – which gives no responsibility to the man in question – proves that domestic violence against women and girls is a far more prevalent problem than it is for men.  The way in which the girl in the song and the girl in the video are portrayed makes it really clear the way that society feels women are “responsible” for whatever it is that happens to them.

I feel like making this simple because I get tired of us making things so endlessly complicated when they don’t need to be.  Abuse in relationships is never acceptable and it is never right.  If you are involved with someone who behaves in a manner that causes you to feel so irate and out-of-control, then you need to look at yourself and why you are in a relationship with such a person.  Let is take this a few steps further, as well: abuse is not just physical, it is also emotional, mental, financial, and sexual.  If someone continuously blames their behavior on you, then you are being abused.  If someone is trying to “teach you a lesson” in some weird dynamic, then you are being abused.  If someone is singing this song to you in your life…then you are being abused and it is not acceptable.

Let’s understand a couple of things about relationships: possessiveness and control are NEVER acceptable.  Someone being so jealous that they question every move you make is NOT a compliment.  Liking it when they incite you to jealousy is NOT wise.  Acting unseemly and possessive are NEVER good.  The attitude of distrust, constantly thinking that you are being underhanded, and other behaviors like this are NEVER the sign of a healthy or a good relationship.  Yes, all relationships have their issues, but not all relationships are abusive.

So I am going to use this completely distasteful song (which I have to thank someone else for describing it that way) to promote awareness about domestic violence.  If you are in a relationship that sounds like this song, then you need to be aware that something in it is not right.  Awareness is the first step.  If you identify with this song…it’s time to look a little deeper into the steps you can take to change what needs changing.

(c) 2015 Lee Ann B. Marino

Jealous – Nick Jonas

I don’t like the way he’s looking at you
I’m starting to think you want him too
Am I crazy, have I lost ya?
Even though I know you love me, can’t help it

I turn my chin music up
And I’m puffing my chest
I’m getting red in the face
You can call me obsessed
It’s not your fault that they hover
I mean no disrespect
It’s my right to be hellish
I still get jealous

‘Cause you’re too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That’s why (that’s why)
I still get jealous

‘Cause you’re too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That’s why (that’s why)
I still get jealous

I wish you didn’t have to post it all
I wish you’d save a little bit just for me
Protective or possessive, yeah
Call it passive or aggressive

I turn my chin music up
And I’m puffing my chest
I’m getting red in the face
You can call me obsessed
It’s not your fault that they hover
I mean no disrespect
It’s my right to be hellish
I still get jealous

‘Cause you’re too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That’s why (that’s why)
I still get jealous

‘Cause you’re too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That’s why (that’s why)
I still get jealous

You’re the only one invited
I said there’s no one else for you
‘Cause you know I get excited, yeah
When you get jealous too

I turn my chin music up
And I’m puffing my chest
I’m getting red in the face
You can call me obsessed
It’s not your fault that they hover
I mean no disrespect
It’s my right to be hellish
I still get jealous

‘Cause you’re too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That’s why (that’s why)
I still get jealous

‘Cause you’re too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That’s why (that’s why)
I still get jealous
Oh (that’s why)
I still get jealous
Oh (that’s why)
I still get jealous

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